It started with....

... a push, a little slap here and there when things weren't finished properly and on time. He would come home around 4pm demanding this and demanding that after a long day away from home. This I didnt mind, he was bettering himself out in the real world, a world I would no longer be a part of and I would at least give him that. Maybe that would be the reason that on judgement day Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) would say to me "pass next to me through these gates to enjoy eternity with me and your prophets" Insha'Allah
... a bang of the front door at 4am and another demand. What could I do? deny what I have been asked by my creator to give? The smell of alcohol on his breath made me feel sick, but who I am to comment on his nightly visits away from the home? That is his life, a side I am not a part of.
... a piece of paper, a signature demanding something in a language I knew nothing of. A language that was not translated to me by one who boasted it as his first language. Something I would never know if he had anything to do with it, especially with my age, my health, my abilities.

I look at this man sitting across from me at the dinner table as he drinks his tea, the doorbell rings. I think hard about the previous years, I had lost my husband at a young age leaving me with children to fend for in a foreign country. I never though I would be happy again, but my children kept me smiling.. in a world that I couldn't navigate they directed me, but they too navigated away as all children do. I was alone until Tahir came to me, he looked after me.. moved into the family house and everything was happy again.
Then I realised how used to American life he had become. While I, the muslim, tried to hold onto my deen he partied away until the small hours of the morning with women wearing short skirts and even less morals. There would be alcohol and God only knows what else at the places he went to, I just knew to keep my mouth shut and not seem to cast judgement.
As my age ran away with me the violence started and got worse as his frustration with what I could or couldn't do, ran through his veins to his fists first, and then my face, or my stomach, sometimes my back as I tried to walk away.
When his father died, we attended the funeral early in the morning at the local mosque and quickly moved through the traditions of the bengali community. As I stepped into the house, welcoming the peace I was instantly floored by a force to the back of the head, then I was spat on as I felt, what I could only assume to be Tahir, step over me leaving the front door wide open. As I lay there, I prayed for someone to find me only to tell myself to think back to the poor 20 year old across the street. She had just asked to visit her parents when she was stabbed in the chest for not doing as she was told.. we all heard the screams, yet we did nothing. Or the 80 year old grandmother who was beaten by her 16 year old grandson for not giving him enough money for Eid al-fitr, again we did nothing. So why was I surprised?
I sat in my usual chair the next day, waiting for time to pass when I heard the fateful knock at the door, upon pulling back the curtains and seeing the two uniformed officers at the door I moved to see what they were looking for. Remembering my language skills I was pleased to see my next door neighbours daughter with them, they came in and I prepared tea slowly but effectively that Reema helped me move to the sitting room.
Translated the conversation went something like this.... 'We know hes been beating you Mrs Kupar, you dont have to put up with this, there are places we can look after you and take you in. He doesnt have the right, we know your marital history but you dont have to pay for any previous mistakes. Tahir isnt the boy you brought up Mrs Kupar and a son should never treat his mother like this. Paradise is under your feet Mrs Kupar, you dont have to earn anything from him'
It ended soon after with tears and the removal of myself from the house I had lived in for 72 years, where I had borne my 6 children, including Tahir.

The break

Zara knocked on her next door neighbours door, twice, three times before the door opened and the opener of the door stood behind it meekly. Zara walked into the house holding a plate of cakes before the door was shut behind her, 'Assalamalikum Meena,' she said to the scarfless lady who smiled at her as they both walked into the living room. Meena returned the greeting before placing the cakes on the coffee table infront of the chairs that they sat in. She poured tea for them both, before leaving the room to return with the sugar she had initially forgotten. Adding the sugar to the cups Zara asked how her and her new husband were getting on, Meena smiled 'alhamdulillah,' she said quietly.

Meena wasnt a quiet or shy person, she was usually the louder of the two. They had known each other since college, came from similar backgrounds and shared similar opinions. The only difference was that Meena always knew college was just something to take up her time before her parents found her a husband, and not long after graduating that had happened.

The wedding had been an amazingly lavish affair, much to the insistance of her family, but the short break with her new husband had been welcomed. Zara hadnt seen much of her best friend since she had come back 4 weeks ago but she assumed that was normal, assuming because none of her close friends were married. She had noticed her leaving her house occassionally during the day, with her hijab pulled tighter around her head and her abayas a lot more flowing than usual. She also noticed the increasingly timid way that she walked, the smaller strides, the occasional flinches when someone walked too close. Zara had only met Meena's husband at the wedding briefly, since they came back he had hardly been seen out in the daylight hours. Meena said it was his job calling him away from home for long hours during the day.

As Zara sat across from Meena, she realised how frail and petite she looked on that day it comparison with when they were growing up together, eating halal chicken & chips at Raja's or the mushroom pizzas they both loved. As she picked up her tea from the table Zara brushed Meena's arm, she flinched in pain, Zara frowned 'are you ok?' Meena nodded 'just banged it on the bedside table last night' Zara stood up and sat next to her best friend, she held her arm and pulled at her sleeve, much to the protests of Meena. There it was, open to the world an open cut surrounded by a 2 day old bruise which Zara knew thanks to her medical training, she also knew it wasnt from a bump in the middle of the night. 'Did he do this to you?' she whispered, not sure why... Meena pulled her arm away, her eyes glistened with the tears she refused to allow to fall... 'hes a good man,' she told Zara... Zara was dumbfounded, after all of their training and volunteer work at the womens centre, how could she live with this. 'Its only the once,' but Zara knew from the way she had noticed her best friend change that this had started practically when the marriage had started.

'You have to leave him' Zara said, not wanting to push boundaries but also remembering this was her best friend, who she had vowed to protect forever. Meena shook her head and pushed her friend away 'he wont do it again, besides... I couldnt do that, can you imagine what my family would say?!' Zara's eyes grew in astonishment and Meena saw that. 'I think they would rather that than find you dead one day at the bottom of the stairs' Meena shook her head, even smiled, 'hes not like that Zee, he had a bad day and I was nagging him about the wedding photos. Its only been the once, I promise'

Zara stood up, 'I cant sit back and watch this happen to you, get worse as time goes by. I know this isnt the first time, I watch you outside walking around. I know Meen. You have to leave him before it gets worse.' Meena stood up, obviously frustrated and upset, 'he told me you would be like this Zee, please dont be jealous, you will have a husband too one day insha'allah.' She reached out to stroke her friends arm, Zara pulled back, 'see, its started already' 'Ok Zara.. thats enough, Ive told you Im fine.. but if you are going to be like this I would like you to leave.'

With that Zara walked out of the room, grabbed her things and walked out of the house, out of her best friends life....

.... until they were together again just 2 years later. Zara cried when she saw her once best friend, she held onto her new husband's hand tightly as the older uncle pulled the white cloth over her friends face that already covered her body. Before she was lowered into the ground, to return to Allah (subhana wa ta'ala)

Only Allah can judge

'Ok,' I answered quietly into my mobile phone, '6pm, see you there' I ended the call just as my father walked into my bedroom. Flustering over hiding the phone I complained and reminded him that I had a door to knock on. He didnt answer, as usual, wasnt that always the way?

'So im going out later, to meet Farah for a study session insha'allah. Ill be back around 12ish, that ok? I can get her brother to drop me off outside.' He nodded preoccupied with the reason he had come into my room unexpectedly, I pulled him away and asked strongly, 'what are you looking for?' He pushed my hand away, grunted and walked out the room. I have never understood my father, his values, his opinions, his words.. he was never around as a child and even less as I had sprouted into the adult that I now am. I picked up my book bag and headed downstairs.

After kissing my mother goodbye and telling her the same line I had given to my father I stepped out the door. Its amazing when the more you say something that isnt true the more easier it gets to say it. Its also amazing that the more you tell yourself a lie the more you start to believe it yourself.

I eventually arrived outside the coffee shop and waited for the time, I glanced briefly at my watch which flashed 6pm... he were late... he wasnt usually. For that brief second I wandered if we had been found out, my heart raced, my pupils dilated as my mind span. Then I heard someone calling my name from across the street. I looked up to see him waiting for a break in the traffic on the busy London street, he smiled and waved, waiting. Waiting. Then he ran, ran across to me and picked me up in his arms and rested his face against mine. The strands of the edge of my scarf tickled his face, I knew this, he had told me before... but it didnt stop us holding each other afraid it would all finish as quickly as it had started. I pulled away and searched his face for something, anything.. I noticed the familiar nose, the strength of his jaw line, those cheekbones and of course those sea green eyes.

'Wanna grab a coffee?' he asked, which seemed the obvious next step as we were outside the coffee shop. I nodded, as we walked in arm in arm he asked me... 'so how long do I have you?' I smiled 'well I told dad I would be back by 12.. that my friends brother would drop me off, not that he was listening but thats my time and mum was ok with it too.' He nodded his head several times taking in the information, 'so we can just chill out here then, maybe grab a bite to eat down the road. Then we can get the tube back to my place, pick up the car and I can drop you off.' I smiled, always the planner, 'sure, but you will have to drop me a little back from the house.. someone might recognise you' He nodded, looking down at his fingers, I could see the disappointment in his eyes, I reached over and held his hand in mine.. 'it wont be for much longer I promise.' He gave me a little squeeze on my shoulder and softly kissed my temple.

It had been 3 months now since I met Jose, the social network of the century they call it, Facebook. He had added me after apparently noticing my name and seeing the picture on a friends list. We had grew up in the same area of London, although I had moved away just a few years ago before starting my GCSEs. He was 3 years older than me and everything I had always wanted, not just physically but in the way he treated me and protected me. He was adopted by an english family but had researched Islam from an early age after learning about his biological family, this fact rocked my world when he told me. To look into the religion I loved purely because of a mother who had given you away at birth, it proved his maturity to me masha'allah. He was proud to meet me that first time, as nervous as I was, seeing me in hijab and so confident in my deen. We talked about religion and I was with him when he said his shahada officially, I had introduced him to a few brothers from my mosque and he had continued to grow. However, there was always the issue of my family behind the lines, how would they feel about bringing him into our lives? would they welcome him with open arms? or kick him & me out the house. But tonight I was ready, I had arranged to meet him for longer than usual and I was going to meet my mum outside the house when he arrived to drop me off. She was the person who I needed to meet him the most before my father, that would be her decision. She didnt know who he was, had never heard me speak of him nor my relationship with him, it was a tense situation but one that we all had to face.

So we talked, discussed the future and ate, I watched as he picked up his fork and moved it to his mouth. Noted the things I had come to rely on seeing, the things I would worry if I didnt see from time to time when we were together. When we finished eating we moved to a different coffee shop, all the time looking over our shoulder to check we were not being watched. This was the hard part, although I sometimes forgot that I shouldnt be with him and lived life in his shadow, I enjoyed those times the most. We sat on a couch sipping our tea and he quizzed me about my up coming exams and what I intended for the future. All through this time he held my hand and watched it, occassionally looking up at me and reminding me how grateful he was that he had found me.

All too soon it was time to go home, we had been clock watching for the past 30minutes and eventually decided to get moving back to his place to pick up the car. He paid for my tube ride, as usual and the short 10minute ride seemed to take the shortest time when it was usually the longest because we were in a rush to get home, this time we weren't in a rush. I wanted this night to carry on forever, to not go home to face my mum, and to stay with Jose forever.. just us enjoying each others company and making up for lost time. We didnt stay at his place like we normally do, we jumped straight into the car and made our way back to my house, 'are you sure you want to do this tonight? we dont have to rush things.' 'No, I have to do it now... if I dont, I dont know when I will' He understood, and opened his window to let the cool night breeze drift through the car to calm us down.

It was 1130pm when we pulled up outside the house, we had come back early to make sure my mum would be awake and I had phoned her 5minutes before to let her know that I was on my way. As usual she insisted on thanking Farah's brother for dropping me off, and as we pulled up just a little away from our front door I noticed the curtains twitching. I grabbed my bag, hugged him tight and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, just incase this was our last meeting for awhile. We both said a little duaa silently and asked that this meeting worked out ok, I opened my door and walked around to his side. As my mum walked up the road I saw her fixing her hijab and waving at me, I returned the wave and breathed out a long breathe. This was it... she was holding a mug of tea and as soon as I saw her in the soft street light I started what I had planned, 'mum, this is..... ' she dropped her mug and her hand flew to her mouth in shock. 'Adil?' she asked through tearful eyes, 'is that really you?' I didnt have to introduce them. 'Mum,' he said.. the tears starting to flow down his cheeks now... 'my baby boy,' she cried as she pulled him close to her and hung on for what seemed like eternity until I felt her lean out and squeezed my hand with all the affection she can share at that moment in time.

She pulled away... and told him 'when they made me give you up, I never thought I would see you again. Subhanallah' then she hugged him again, 'alhamdulillah,' I heard him whisper as he fiercely held onto the woman who had given him up all those years ago in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy that my mother had told me about when I was 15 and she saw the wild child in me. 'Alhamdulillah,' I said hugging them both, thanking Allah for giving me my brother back.

Outside in the cold

As I sat outside the mosque I wondered what I was doing here, was it because I wanted to be here? because I felt I should be here? or just because I had nothing else to do? I knew it wasnt the last option because there were other things I could think of to be doing at the moment than sitting outside the mosque on the cold cement steps while the snow started to fall, waiting for the door to be opened. Was it because I felt I should be here? hmm... maybe so, just because its a place of worship. But I never once felt like I should be in church! so whats different? I was a woman, it had been decreed that the best place for me to pray was at home but woe betide anyone who tried to stop me worshipping at the mosque. It wasnt jummah, it wasnt even close to time to pray. So I returned to the initial question, why was I here? That was something I had to dig deep to answer. I hugged my legs to my chest to warm my body, not once giving in to go and sit and wait in my car parked just over there.

I sat, and I waited. I clock watched. I sighed. I asked myself the same question over and over. I was grateful for wearing my long socks that came up past my knees underneath the long skirt that trailed the floor as I walked. I looked out for people who might be able to let me into the building. I noticed people walking past me on their way to the shopping mall across the road. I noticed them noticing me.

I stood up and tried the door once more, it was still locked. I thought I saw a flicker of a shadow, but I think it was my own. I sat down again, contemplating how much longer to wait. I decided a time and told him upstairs. I bargained with my creator, can you believe it? but it made me feel better, a little more in control of the things I have no control over.

In the distant I heard a click, then I felt a movement. A blast of warm air from the door behind me. I thanked the brother and walked into the mosque, removed my shoes and sat down. Why was I here? Because I could be! And I prayed for those sisters around the world who could not venture so easily into a mosque to worship their Lord. For physical reasons, health reasons, or for plain stupid reasons.

May he remember us all and how we intented to worship him alone.

*shakes head*

I cant believe it, how can she do this? he thought as he saw his daughter pull up outside the house. Its her mothers 50th for God sake he stood up from where he was sat on the bed and smoothed out the wrinkles in his trousers. He had been organising the party for his wife for a few months now, it was a surprise for her and their daughter had come over to take her mum out while he got the house ready for the guests and for when they arrived back from the little shopping outing they were taking. Maybe I can get to the door before her and make her change he thought to himself as he quickened his pace to get down the stairs. It was too late, she had stepped in the door and he could already hear his wife putting her cup of tea on the island in the kitchen which looked straight through to the front door. He heard her gasp as he watched his daughter take off her shoes, he was angry but at that moment he also felt proud of her. Here she was making a change in her life that not everyone agreed with, but still she was showing the world and strong in her decision. But still.... look at her
Her mum walked right up to her, she seemed too close and overpowering until he realised the angle that he was seeing the scene from and hurried down the stairs. Do you have to? her mother asked, he heard her sigh Mum, theres nothing I can do about this now, I made a decision and thats that, end of! They all walked into the living room listening to the soft sound of their feet on the tiled floor. We have always stood by you, even when we didnt agree but this is just too much now. You promised me, he saw his wifes eyes gleam as the tears started to over load in her tearducts, she tried to blink them away but it just caused them to fall. She was handed a tissue and he held her hand tightly. Mum, I promised you when I was 10. I never knew my life would turn out this way. God has a greater plan. Her dad sighed loudly.. here we go again. It had been 2 years since their daughter had told them she was changing her religion to something foreign and unknown to them from outside the media. In that time she had changed her clothes slightly, only slightly and a few months ago had started to cover her hair. A few weeks ago she had told them the news of her expected child to a man they had grown to love as their own, this was the shock. She was unmarried to her parents, (although she says in her religion they are married) and very young. Still only 17, the baby and now... she comes to the house in tighter than normal clothing showing an obvious baby bump for her 4 month pregnancy. What will everyone say? her mother asked, tell them that you are going to be a grandmother she said smiling with a tear in her eye as she stroked her swollen belly. Grandad to be was thinking things through in his head when he suddenly realised that someone had entered the house and was stood behind his daughter. He had his hand on her shoulder and stroked it gently, everything ok? he asked genuinely just look at her, now she decides to wear tight clothes, after all this time of me trying to get her to show some skin. I just dont understand. Ali talk some sense into your wife please. That was the difference between her mum and dad.. she accepted their marriage, in the eyes of their God they were married and that was that, she would not have even minded if they werent.... it was her age and like history repeating itself.
He sat next to her, I did tell you this morning bibti, Laylah looked away well I didnt listen to you this morning, she told him. Ok, ok... so why dont you girls go and do your shopping and buy her something more suitable for the day then? Something more modest, then we can all get through this as the adults we are. My wife blew her nose and smiled, Id like that she said, right on cue Laylah took her hand and nodded. Im sorry she said, I didnt mean to make this day about me, she held her husbands face with one hand as he sat next to her and said I dont know where this family would be without you and kissed him on the cheek. . Pff... I do her dad said, smiling before downing a big gulp of tea.

The day

I woke up early that morning, ready for whatever the day would bring, anxious to see what it would bring. I followed my usual routine, washed, got ready, ate breakfast, then headed out to my car, today was going to be different, something to remember and I was going to make sure of it. I placed my big bag on the seat next to me, full of things I would need today, and made my way over to a girls house. I had met this girl just a few months ago, but in that time she had opened my mind up to the impossible, the unspeakable, the unthinkable, or so I thought. After 20 minutes driving I pulled up outside her house and held onto my bag as I got out of the car and walked over to her doorstep. After ringing the bell I noticed the curtains twitch beside me and a few seconds later the door opened, there was noone there or so I thought until I heard a quiet 'hello' from behind the door. I stepped in and turned as the door closed to see this girl, this child, who could be my child, stood in a tshirt and jeans with a wild head of red hair. I smiled to myself and returned the greeting, she motioned me to the front room and asked if I was ready for today... I pushed my bag in full view and nodded smiling. We sat down and went through some details of what the day may bring and she answered a few of the questions that were swimming around my head. I moved a thin strand of grey hair from my eyes as we looked on the map for directions to the place that we were visiting for the first time together. I didnt know whether I was nervous, excited or just plain dilarious... I just knew that it was about time, and now I felt like a teenager again.
I had spoken to my children the night previous to tell them my plans for the day, their reply? 'your life mum, do what you want' which I was happy with, I just hoped I could show them the things that had turned me into this different person in such a short space of time. Anyways they were ok with it, that was the important thing, even my grandson climbed on my lap and asked if I would still make him cookies while mummy was working which made me giggle at the thought.
Now we were on our way, we left the house all dressed and somewhere to go! I opened the car door for Rosie and fixed my skirt length before stepping tentatively into my car. The drive to the building was quiet, many thoughts going through my head that I just couldnt, or didnt want to share. She took in the country roads as they wound up and down along the fields filled with cows, sheep and horses.
Upon arriving at the buliding I remember thinking it was smaller than I had expected and suddenly started worrying about what else would be different than I expected. I rang the bell and was greeted by a tall man wearing a little hat 'we've been expecting you' he said in a strong yet supportive voice. He stepped back to let us through, this was it.. I couldnt run now, he was stood at the side and Rosie was stood behind me, there was no escape. I started to panic, to sweat, to hallucinate until I was brought back with the man talking to me again. "so did you read the things I gave you?" I nodded meekly "would you like me to say it first?" He enquired, I shook my head... I had gone over this so often in my head and practised it so much I wanted to say it with my heart in my own words.. but I knew there was a routine, a way to do it so I did. I coughed and looked out of the window as I said the words to the beginning of the rest of my life
"ash hadu anna illah ha illallah, wa ash hadu anna muhammadan abduhu wa rasulallah" I cried, the beginning I told myself

holidays

Sadia woke up early that morning, wiped her sleepy eyes and tried to focus on the items in the room. At that point she remembered it was the school holidays and felt the excitement of what the day was to bring insha'allah. Everyone had talked about these holidays non stop for the past few months, the shops were filled with the latest fashion for this time of year and as she had walked around the city centre with her mother, holding her hand so as not to get lost, she wondered what the time would bring her.
Looking out of the bedroom window she saw the birds chirping away and the sun rising over the shops across the road from the house. She knew that she was always sent back to bed around this time if she woke her parents up, but surely not today... today was different. So Sadia wandered into their room slowly and quietly and sat at her mums side of the bed peering at her as she slept. She opened one eye to see her daughter watching her and smiled 'you want to get in?' she asked, Sadia thought for a minute 'just for a little bit' she replied after nodding her heavy head. She climbed over her mother and inbetween her parents, the bed was warm, cosy and soft, as soon as the duvet was pulled up to her chin she began to drift away again. She awoke startled sometime later and couldnt believe that she had fallen asleep, the excitement almost burst in her stomach as she shook her parents awake. Climbing over them and out the bed she almost shouted 'come on!' jumping up and down on the carpeted floor... 'it will all be downstairs' . Her mum looked at her dad slightly confused 'what will be?' she asked Sadia, Sadia laughed.. as if she didnt know.... 'my presents from Father Christmas' Her mother smiled almost not wanting to break the news to her that her parents had already decided a long time before Sadia and her older brother had been born. She pulled Sadia up on to the bed and sat her on her knee, 'remember when we had that big party a few months ago?' Sadia thought for a moment and eventually nodded 'well that was our celebration sweety, we dont have christmas. Remember me telling you? we have the two Eids instead when we dress up and give out presents and visit family and eat lots of yummy food,' she said trying to make it as fun sounding as she remembered christmas sounding to her when she was a small child. 'Christians have christmas,' she told Sadia, 'Muslims have Eid' Sadia looked up at her mother with a wobbly lip 'so no presents?' she asked... 'you already have many things you didnt play with from Eid, why dont you play with them? and later we can make cookies and go see Zaynab and auntie Fatima, would you like that?' Sadia nodded and wiped away the tears, 'Im sorry mummy... I forgot,' she said jumping off her mothers lap to walk to her room.
Sadia was 5 now, this had been going on for the past 3 years now. Her mother knew it was hard on the little girl, as it had been on Hamza her brother when he was younger, but she was determined to stay away from the confusion that celebrating the holiday would bring to her children. She tried to distract them as much as possible over the holidays and wondered how long this would go on, she hated seeing her children cry, especially as it was her decision to make. She felt a hand rub her back as her husband sat up and kissed her shoulder. 'We are doing it for the right reasons hanouni, they will thank us in the future. And insha'allah in Jannah they will thank us from keeping them away from the haram' She smiled 'insha'allah'

Coffee and a date

I sat in the coffee lounge of my local coffee store with a mint tea in one hand and a choc muffin on a plate infront of me. I was quietly reading the newspaper, seeing what was going on in the world and around me, I people watched (a highly fasinating hobby of mine) and I noticed the cars moving in the street outside. A few headlines hit me, giving me more to read as I waited for what was coming next, what was coming next? I had no idea. Id been given a card a few days before, a time and place was scrawled on the back of the card, what did he want? I just had to find out and couldnt leave it like that. So now I found myself in the coffee store drinking my tea and rubbing my back, pressure building up everytime I moved. By my side was a box from the one of the local stores down the road, I picked it up just before ordering my tea, a gift they had said. A very big gift they didnt say! I sighed at the thought of dragging the gift onto the bus, people stared enough as it is without wandering (just like me) what was in the box.
I looked at my watch; he was late. Should I wait? was it worth it to wait? or was I just delaying the inevitable? I wasnt hard to see, I sat at the front of the shop, by the open windows so i wasnt hiding away in the corner. In my defence! I decided to wait 10mins more after finishing my snacks, so i carried on reading my paper and picking with my lone fingers at my chocolate muffin allowing my body the sugar that it craved.
After awhile I felt watched, which wasnt unusual for me but more watched than usual. I looked up, was that him? no! couldnt be, back to the news. A chair was pulled out and he sat in front of me, I smiled politely. 'Mrs Hussain?' I nodded, 'why are you carrying such a big parcel?' "Mr Hussain,' I said slyly at him 'because your parents seem to think that carrying this big parcel around all day isnt enough work for me!' I said frustratingly pointing at the big belly surrounding our 8 month old twins in my womb. He smiled, 'alhamdulillah, I bought the car' I thanked God I didnt have to take the bus and set about passing him some of my muffin

the beach

She sat on top of the rock to the side of the beach, it was just before sunset and she had left her little beach hut just a few mintues before. Armed with her trusty camera and a bottle of water. She was dressed in a white lined maxi dress, covered her arms with a cream linen bolero jacket and had wrapped a cotton shayla around her hair. She was waiting for something, but didnt exactly know what.As she sat on the rock taking a few pictures now and again of the people jogging up and down the beach in front on the black sky, in the foreground infront of the first shimmer of the days sunlight and the people walking their dogs around in the dark. It amazed her why people didnt take this opportunity more, she was only here for 5 days, this was her second and she only saw people on the beach; not actually taking in the beach. Of all the wonders of this life, silence, water and the sky is what people expect to be there every now and again when they want it. She wondered if people would appreciate it more if you could pick it up and put it somewhere else, in the middle of a busy city that sees no silence, in the middle of Saudi Arabia where they see no water, in an underwater cave where you see no sky. Subhanallah.. the marvels of our creator. She lay back against the rock and closed her eyes for a brief minute, when she opened them more sun had appeared just above the waterline and it was now that she decided to pray her fajr salah. 1 rakah, 2 rakah..... 1 rakah, 2 rakah..... silence, counting, duaa, for the love of God and for the ache in her heart.She stood up and took some more pictures of the waterline, of the boats gliding across the water to some unknown destination in the distance. She breathed in the sea air and felt the moist sand inbetween her toes as she played with the bottom of her dress, already she could feel it was going to be a hot day. She wasnt a lover of hot days, especially when there was water at the bottom of her 'garden' that she couldnt enjoy for all the people ready to gawp at her when she came out of the water. Maybe in the future insha'allah she thought as she picked up her dress slightly and made her way back to her beach house, back to her bed and back to reality

first day

I woke up super early that monday morning, eager and ready to start a new day of school for a new year. I usually sleep after fajr, which was just before 5am this September month, but today I couldnt sleep afterwards. My mum shouted up the stairs to me that breakfast would be a little while, so I decided to head into the shower and freshen myself up. I stood in the shower for around 15minutes, trying a new face scrub and new shampoo that made my hair smell like lavendars. Then I got out, dried myself, brushed my teeth and wrapped the big towel around my body and a separate one around my head. I wandered across the hall to my bedroom, I had laid my clothes out the night before to make sure I was wearing ok clothes incase I was running late. Across the back of my chair there was a loose pair of navy pants and a long pale yellow tunic that came mid thigh on my body, my underwear sat on the chair with my new hijab, navy with yellow and white patterned beads around the edging. I had coordinated it with a yellow stick pin for the side of my head. I got myself ready and headed down for my breakfast, as I sat munching on my toast my mum told me 'you know, you dont have to.. people will understand' I sighed, we had been through this situation I dont know how many times in the last month 'I have to mum, or I never will' she shrugged her shoulders and let me be. My dad came into the room, smiled at me before landing a kiss on the top of my head and walking over to my mum with a kiss on the cheek. 'Want me to drive you in?' he asked.. I shook my head, 'Im gonna walk in, it will be fine' I told them, 'well you have my number if you need me' Subhanallah, what did they expect to happen on this day?? I finished my breakfast, kissed my parents on the cheek and told them I would see them at 4pm, with that I left breezily out of the house and up the road to my school. This would be my last year at school, the most important year, my GCSE's, then on to the next level. As I neared the school gates i could feel the butterflies flapping in my stomach, I wasnt nervous, I'd been through this with myself so much over the 6 weeks holidays, why was it getting to me now?? I saw a group of girls stood outside the gates, I recognised one to be a few years younger than me and I also noticed how they huddled together and laughed as I passed. I felt relieved as I passed the gates and into the school yard, my friends were all sat where we usually sat and I walked over. I felt eyes watching me and I heard whisperings from all corners, Shaitan I reminded myself... be strong. I stood infront of the group of my friends, 5 girls.. I hadnt seen any of them over the 6 weeks because I was out of the country for the whole time, I had spoken to them but I hadnt told them about the new me. 'hey girls,' I said as I removed my bag from my shoulder and sat it down on the floor, they all looked at me and I waited for a reply. I noticed the distant gaze in their eyes, and one by one I saw recollection, 'chica?' my friend suzie asked 'in the flesh' I smiled..... 'woah girl, whats with the getup?' asked haleema... I suddenly blushed slightly, I had expected this... 'well, I sort of had a change of heart over the summer... remember hakim?' they all nodded remembering the new crazy terrorist who had been dumped into out class 2 months before the end of last school year. 'Well, i was in the airport waiting to go visit my dad and he happened to be on my plane. We chatted and stuff and I came to realise hes a pretty cool guy,' they all laughed and nudged each other, motioned to indicate that I had gone slightly crazy over the last 6 weeks. 'No, he is.. honest, he told me all about why he does the weird stuff he does, you know with his little hat and his book and little rug. And, well... just some of the things he said made me look more into why he does it and.. so I became one of 'em' My girls gasped, 'a terrorist?' lisa blurted out, 'no, a muslim, thats why im wearing this' i said pointing to my hijab. 'yeh, shes gone crazy! how long dya have to wear it for?' 'forever' I told them 'around guys who arent related to me' at that point a group of boys walked past us and pushed into me laughing 'hey' i heard someone shout 'dont you go pushing my girl like that!' Suzie shouted before pushing them back, and walked over to me, she put her arm around my shoulder and asked 'can you still come sleep at mine?' i nodded.. 'then we cool, same old chica' Then the school bell rang to bring us all in to start this new chapter, my new chapter in life. Alhamdulillah

Short story :)