Outside in the cold

As I sat outside the mosque I wondered what I was doing here, was it because I wanted to be here? because I felt I should be here? or just because I had nothing else to do? I knew it wasnt the last option because there were other things I could think of to be doing at the moment than sitting outside the mosque on the cold cement steps while the snow started to fall, waiting for the door to be opened. Was it because I felt I should be here? hmm... maybe so, just because its a place of worship. But I never once felt like I should be in church! so whats different? I was a woman, it had been decreed that the best place for me to pray was at home but woe betide anyone who tried to stop me worshipping at the mosque. It wasnt jummah, it wasnt even close to time to pray. So I returned to the initial question, why was I here? That was something I had to dig deep to answer. I hugged my legs to my chest to warm my body, not once giving in to go and sit and wait in my car parked just over there.

I sat, and I waited. I clock watched. I sighed. I asked myself the same question over and over. I was grateful for wearing my long socks that came up past my knees underneath the long skirt that trailed the floor as I walked. I looked out for people who might be able to let me into the building. I noticed people walking past me on their way to the shopping mall across the road. I noticed them noticing me.

I stood up and tried the door once more, it was still locked. I thought I saw a flicker of a shadow, but I think it was my own. I sat down again, contemplating how much longer to wait. I decided a time and told him upstairs. I bargained with my creator, can you believe it? but it made me feel better, a little more in control of the things I have no control over.

In the distant I heard a click, then I felt a movement. A blast of warm air from the door behind me. I thanked the brother and walked into the mosque, removed my shoes and sat down. Why was I here? Because I could be! And I prayed for those sisters around the world who could not venture so easily into a mosque to worship their Lord. For physical reasons, health reasons, or for plain stupid reasons.

May he remember us all and how we intented to worship him alone.