tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31711056244060659252024-02-19T13:54:57.913+00:00My islamic short storiesA blog dedicated to my short stories, all of an islamic nature insha'allah. Also includes random posts of things to do with books :)Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-58333403218510971872011-02-19T13:22:00.001+00:002011-02-19T13:22:26.803+00:00Online bookclub<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Ive recently joined an online bookclub through facebook, islamic obviously.. I need to be more involved on this side of things, I feel bad that Im not reading as much as I used to but cant put it down to anything other than my want to not want to be reading while hubby is sat next to me.<br />
Our first book is 'In the Early Hours' so far so good :) do let me know if you want to join insha'allah I can send a link or something.</div>Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-71404868118926139182010-12-21T11:19:00.047+00:002010-12-21T11:55:09.138+00:00Ten things I hate about meI went on a rampage on ebay and bought a load of books that I've had my eye on for awhile now, the first one I finished was <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Things_I_Hate_About_Me">this book</a> by <span style="color: black;">Randa Abdel-Fattah and heres what I thought:</span><br />
<br />
I started this book the day I received it in the post, it was shiny and pink and oh something I wouldnt usually read, but for islamic fiction I was willing to give it a shot. Ive read a few islamic fictions in the past, namely the triology by umm Zakiyyah, which I thoroughly enjoyed so I was hoping for something equally as entertaining. Alas, I was to be disappointed :(<br />
<br />
I read the intro with an open mind and clear heart <br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;">"The novel is the story of Jamie Towfeek, a teenager living in Sydney's western suburbs.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;">Jamie wants to be the real thing. From the roots of her dyed blonde hair...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;">There are a lot of things Jamie hates about her life: her dark hair, her dad's Stone Age Charter of Curfew Rights, her real name - Jamilah Towfeek.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;">For the past three years, Jamie has hidden her Lebanese/Muslim background from everyone at school. It's only with her email friend John that she can really be herself. But now life is getting more complicated. The most popular boy in school is interested in her, but there's no way he would be if he knew the truth. Then there's Timothy the school loner, who for some reason Jamie just can't stop thinking about. As for John, he seems to have a pretty big secret of his own.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue;">To top it all off, Jamie's school formal is coming up. And her band at her Muslim school is performing at the formal. The only way she'll be allowed to attend is by revealing her true identity. But who is she ... Jamie or Jamilah?"</span><br />
<br />
First thing... there just had to be a boy involved :( of course he was a John or a Timothy, he couldnt have been an Abdel (there is one in the book) or an Esa.. but I tried to push that to the back of my mind.. there always needs to be a love interest I suppose and to think that young muslimahs are totally outside the bounds of being attracted to the opposite sex is slightly naive. Maybe the guys convert, maybe they just show her who she really is, maybe they are using her to get their homework done.. theres many reasons they could be involved.<br />
<br />
So I went on my way merrily reading the pages, wandering through the life of Jamie/Jamilah and that of her family and peers. I liked how the writer took away the aspect of having to have a mother around to make sure the children did right, although it was later realised that they all werent doing well since that person was taken out of the equation. Of course a replacement had to be written in towards the end of the storyline.<br />
I enjoyed the sense of family within the book, the real life news problems that were incorporated into the book. There were many relatable scenes from all the different characters, from broken homes, racism and peer pressure to deaths, political passion and overprotective parents<br />
<br />
Not to give the game away but my disappointment was, however, sealed with a stolen kiss between the main character and 'the love interest' at the school dance after performing with her madrassa band. After this scene there was a point made to tell the interest that the main character couldnt possibly start a relationship after gaining the trust of her father and the confidence to be herself. Not the fact that it was against her religion or anything like that, which I felt should have been made a point of if young girls are going to be reading this book. I would hate to think a young girl who has the trust of her father and self confidence who has little knowledge of her own religion for whatever reason and thinks it would be ok. Allahu Alim<br />
<br />
I know that many many people will love this novel, but this is just my opinion and I hope you enjoy readingAdventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-75063413903864248732010-01-27T14:07:00.000+00:002010-01-27T14:07:36.084+00:00Graduation<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">The day started. It was supposed to be a happy affair, but she couldn’t help but think how much happier she <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">should</i> be feeling. Today was the beginning of a new path, she had been told, where she could look into her soul and make better decisions. She knew exactly what that meant: i.e., where she should stop playing with these religious opinions and follow the family, just like a sheep, as was expected of her. This she refused to do, and was part of the reason why she didn’t feel as happy as she probably should have done.<br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">It was her graduation: a time of celebration with her family. Except that half of them wouldn’t be there because they didn’t agree with those same religious opinions. They didn’t want to see the ‘oppressed’ cousin/ sister/ daughter/ niece that she had been turned into by brain washing “terrorists”. But she was determined to make the most of the situation and the day. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">As she pulled on her long black skirt, her purple shirt and wrapped the shiny, black <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hijab</i> tightly around her head, she smiled, content in her heart that she was doing things right. Her mother shouted her from downstairs telling her to hurry up so that they could get a space outside of the university. Louise had arranged to meet some friends for coffee an hour before the ceremony and looked forward to introducing them to her mum, to once again prove to her that this religion wasn’t as she thought. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Of all her family, her mother had been the most open minded about the whole situation, and for that she was grateful. She had never been close to her mum, living apart from her as she grew up; but now things were different. They had both lived their own lives and were beginning to come together in both similarities and differences.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Walking down the stairs, Louise was momentarily blinded by the camera flash and laughed as her mum carried on taking more pictures as she descended each step, feeling like a princess. She smiled to see what family was there, and how they looked at her full of admiration and pride; she was the first person of her clan to graduate from university. It made her a little sad - to think of all those people who were now missing out on this moment - but she couldn’t dwell on it… that was their decision.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">On the 20 minute drive over to the university, she slipped in a Quran CD, after first asking her mum if that was okay. She needed the serenity, the peace, to get her through this day. Louise wasn’t nervous for the ceremony; rather, it was the events that could occur afterwards that sent her blood rushing and her heart racing.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">“God knows best”, she told herself. That line, together with the sound waves coming out of the speakers, calmed her and allowed her to drift into her own little world for a short time.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">They pulled into the car park, she stepped out of the car, and smoothed down the lines in her skirt. Her mum smiled as she walked around and pulled Louise’s arm through her own. “I’m so proud of you,” she told her daughter, as she gently kissed her cheek. They walked to the registration desk, arm in arm, quietly. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Papers were presented, documents recorded, identities proved, tickets swapped, caps tested and gowns adjusted; now everything was ready for the ceremony. Louise’s mobile vibrated. She smiled, pulling out the phone to see a familiar name calling her. She answered to a scream from the other end:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">”Girl, where are you?’ asked her best friend from university, Laylah.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I just sorted all my stuff out. Insha’Allah, I’ll meet you at the coffee shop in 10, ‘kay?”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">“Okey dokey,” came the reply, and they said their goodbyes. She then pulled her mum to the side and quickly explained to her the plan for the next few hours.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">As they wandered around campus, taking in details for the last time, snapping pictures to relish at some time in the future, Louise spotted a face that she recognised - she blushed when she realised that he was looking at her too. Her mum questioned her on her sudden change in attitude after she lowered the camera, away from the direction of the guy that she had only recently taken a shine towards. Just before she could answer the question, Laylah jumped on her back playfully to interrupt the conversation, and they all walked to the coffee shop to meet the other girls.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Sitting down waiting for the numerous hot drinks and other members of the group to appear, they randomly chatted about the things they had been up to since the end of exams just three weeks ago. Others joined in the conversation and started their own with people sat around the two tables in the corner of the biggest student hangout this side of the campus. Eventually, everyone seemed to be there and all the drinks had arrived. At this point, Louise noticed her mum chatting with another one of her best friends, Jessica, and how close they seemed.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Louise and Jessica had met during their A-levels, and hung around each other’s houses during those few years to become very dear to both families. They were equally happy when they were accepted into the same university. Although they were taking very different courses, it meant they could get a flat together and continue in their friendship. As time went by it also meant they came into contact with similar groups of people, and eventually they would say their <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shahada</i> together, after Jessica met her Moroccan friend Zhor, and Louise met with local kids at the after-school homework clubs that she helped with. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She always looked to Jessica for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dawah</i> where her family were concerned, and on her last few visits home, she had noticed a special bond blossoming between her best friend and her mother. It hurt her slightly, but she knew that there was no other person she would want that for than Jessica.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Now Louise watched in awe as this same best friend stood up to talk to the crowd of people that surrounded them: her grace, her beauty, her stance and the confidence that she oozed out in their presence. She talked about the upcoming ceremony and gave thanks to the people who had touched her life during those years at university.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">In time people left for their own pre-celebrations and there remained only a group of close friends. Jessica cleared her throat to make another speech, welcoming Louise’s mum to stand with her. This one was quite unexpected, as could be clearly be seen by the look of both shock and happiness on Louise’s face.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">With tears falling down her cheeks, Louise witnessed her mother repeat after Jessica:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ash hadu anna illa illalah</i>”…… the declaration of faith for every Muslim.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Her mother turned to face Louise, grabbed her hand squeezing it tight “Thank you for opening my eyes,” she whispered and kissed her softly on the cheek, just as she had done a few hours before. “Now lets go see my girl graduate” she said pulling her daughter up to stand.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</div>Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-90048601629899358152009-12-09T21:03:00.001+00:002010-05-24T17:35:15.482+01:00It started with....... a push, a little slap here and there when things weren't finished properly and on time. He would come home around 4pm demanding this and demanding that after a long day away from home. This I didnt mind, he was bettering himself out in the real world, a world I would no longer be a part of and I would at least give him that. Maybe that would be the reason that on judgement day Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) would say to me "pass next to me through these gates to enjoy eternity with me and your prophets" Insha'Allah<br />
... a bang of the front door at 4am and another demand. What could I do? deny what I have been asked by my creator to give? The smell of alcohol on his breath made me feel sick, but who I am to comment on his nightly visits away from the home? That is his life, a side I am not a part of.<br />
... a piece of paper, a signature demanding something in a language I knew nothing of. A language that was not translated to me by one who boasted it as his first language. Something I would never know if he had anything to do with it, especially with my age, my health, my abilities.<br />
<br />
I look at this man sitting across from me at the dinner table as he drinks his tea, the doorbell rings. I think hard about the previous years, I had lost my husband at a young age leaving me with children to fend for in a foreign country. I never though I would be happy again, but my children kept me smiling.. in a world that I couldn't navigate they directed me, but they too navigated away as all children do. I was alone until Tahir came to me, he looked after me.. moved into the family house and everything was happy again.<br />
Then I realised how used to American life he had become. While I, the muslim, tried to hold onto my deen he partied away until the small hours of the morning with women wearing short skirts and even less morals. There would be alcohol and God only knows what else at the places he went to, I just knew to keep my mouth shut and not seem to cast judgement.<br />
As my age ran away with me the violence started and got worse as his frustration with what I could or couldn't do, ran through his veins to his fists first, and then my face, or my stomach, sometimes my back as I tried to walk away.<br />
When his father died, we attended the funeral early in the morning at the local mosque and quickly moved through the traditions of the bengali community. As I stepped into the house, welcoming the peace I was instantly floored by a force to the back of the head, then I was spat on as I felt, what I could only assume to be Tahir, step over me leaving the front door wide open. As I lay there, I prayed for someone to find me only to tell myself to think back to the poor 20 year old across the street. She had just asked to visit her parents when she was stabbed in the chest for not doing as she was told.. we all heard the screams, yet we did nothing. Or the 80 year old grandmother who was beaten by her 16 year old grandson for not giving him enough money for Eid al-fitr, again we did nothing. So why was I surprised?<br />
I sat in my usual chair the next day, waiting for time to pass when I heard the fateful knock at the door, upon pulling back the curtains and seeing the two uniformed officers at the door I moved to see what they were looking for. Remembering my language skills I was pleased to see my next door neighbours daughter with them, they came in and I prepared tea slowly but effectively that Reema helped me move to the sitting room.<br />
Translated the conversation went something like this.... 'We know hes been beating you Mrs Kupar, you dont have to put up with this, there are places we can look after you and take you in. He doesnt have the right, we know your marital history but you dont have to pay for any previous mistakes. Tahir isnt the boy you brought up Mrs Kupar and a son should never treat his mother like this. Paradise is under your feet Mrs Kupar, you dont have to earn anything from him'<br />
It ended soon after with tears and the removal of myself from the house I had lived in for 72 years, where I had borne my 6 children, including Tahir.Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-31524359454038851062009-04-04T21:05:00.003+01:002009-08-24T00:21:44.198+01:00As the fatherI prayed that insha'allah she would be ok, there was nothing I could do for her at this moment. As a man I had no idea how hard it was to wear the khimar and to feel so different from those around me, it wasnt something I had to deal with. Allah had bought me into my wifes life for some reason and it was our fate that Zara would see life without total Islam, that was something we had to deal with.<br /><br />Sometimes I was shocked at how strange it felt walking next to her with her head uncovered. I noticed noone staring extra hard, why would they? They didnt know she used to cover it! It was during these walks that I started to truly reach out and understand my daughter, yes hijab was in the Quran for men and women but it was still something that people chose. Yes we know there are consequences but there is no compulsion in Islam, thats what I was always raised with by my parents.<br /><br />As Zara walked around the streets on errands that needed to be done, I watched as she composed herself, how she talked to people, helped the old lady with her shopping, I listened as she was praised by numerous people while she stood blushing looking to the floor. After Zara took off her scarf I began to see the person the scarf had made her, maybe this is why I couldnt understand why she had decided to take it off. I asked her once this in the line of a question, her answer? 'the scarf didnt make me this person, it just hid it from everyone else. From a muslim it was expected, so hidden and from a non muslim the scarf wasnt looked past' My child has grown into such a caring woman alhamdulillah<br /><br />Maybe that was why the colour change was such a shock to me. It wasnt the woman I had come to know over the last few months, that woman didnt need the shock factor. That scared me, I had never pretended to know Zara, now I thought that I was beginning to and for that I was grateful. However, now I was back to not knowing her again.<br /><br />I lowered my head as I pulled on my coat and reached for the door to escape my thoughts and the tensions in the house. I closed the door to the soft weeping of my wife in the kitchen.Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-59990273301780193442009-02-12T17:49:00.001+00:002009-02-12T17:49:33.583+00:00When I say Im muslim....<span><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><strong>When I say. . .I am a Muslim</strong><br /><br /><br />I'm not shouting " down with Christians and Jews."<br /><br /><br />I am whispering "I seek peace," and Islam is the path that I choose.<br /><br /><br /><strong>When I say. . .I am a Muslim</strong><br /><br /><br />I speak of this with pride.<br /><br /><br />And confess that sometimes I stumble, and need Allah to be my guide.<br /><br /><br /><strong>When I say. . .I am a Muslim</strong><br /><br /><br />I know this makes me strong.<br /><br /><br />And in those times when I am weak, I pray to Allah for strength to carry on.<br /><br /><br /><strong>When I say. . .I am a Muslim</strong><br /><br /><br />I'm not boasting of success.<br /><br /><br />I'm acknowledging that Allah has rescued me, and I cannot ever repay the debt.<br /><br /><br /><strong>When I say. . .I am a Muslim</strong><br /><br /><br />I'm not claiming to be perfect.<br /><br /><br />My flaws are indeed visible, but Allah forgives because his followers are worth it.<br /><br /><br /><strong>When I say. . .I am a Muslim</strong><br /><br /><br />it does not mean I will never feel pain.<br /><br /><br />I still have my share of heartaches, which is why I invoke Allah's name.<br /><br /><br /><strong>When I say. . .I am a Muslim</strong><br /><br /><br />I do not wish to judge.<br /><br /><br />I have no such authority. My duty is to submit to Allah's all-encompassing love.<br /><br /></span></span>Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-74879341610574945492009-02-02T12:04:00.003+00:002009-02-02T12:19:22.251+00:00As I rest my head in my hands I wonder where it all began, was it my fault she had turned like this? why didnt I choose Islam earlier so she hadnt already been used to the bad world out there? First it was the ripping off of her hijab, the change in schools and now the hair colour, is this what I had done to my own mother? I was given no respect and it wasnt just me, I could see how this was affecting her father too as he sat across the table from me massaging his temper to try to calm himself.<br /><br />I lean towards him, push my hand to the middle of the table in some sort of comfort, he places his hand ontop of mine, holds it gently and says so quietly that I have to strain my ears to hear his words 'what more can we do?' I pray that we dont give up on Zara because I know how it feels to be lost in this world without a faith, I had been through that and I believed that taking Islam as my own was a gift I was giving to my children from my creator. I only prayed that she saw this before it was too late.<br /><br />Yusuf stood up from the chair and moved to the window, he placed the kettle on the stove just as Hawa walked through the door and at that instance my mind ran away from me imagining how this would affect her. Would we have to go through the same thing? she sat on my knee tired after running from her friends house down the road. She was only 2 years younger than Zara but never really remembered not being around Islam as much as Zara, she had followed her father around more when she was a child so was exposed in that way. She had been wearing hijab for 2 years now, was in the same Islamic school as Zara had been but showed no signs from changing things as her sister had.<br /><br />In hind sight, we should have known problems were coming, it was only a matter of time. As I sat with her on my knee I hugged her so tightly I thought I would never let go until she fidgeted and told me 'Mum, i have to go. Me and asma are learning a new surah so I have to go sort it out.' I nodded as I let her go and just as she walked out the door I wiped a single tear off my cheek. As if reading my mind my husband walked past me, kissed me softly on the head and told me 'she will be ok, insha'allah' Insha'allah I reminded myselfAdventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-72389471655523113012009-01-14T18:57:00.004+00:002009-01-17T20:20:34.206+00:00My childIt all started one evening when I got home from school, well that was when it started for my mum and for the rest of my family. Things were out in the open from that evening Zara, thats me, was always the odd one out and had now come home with pink hair over her natural straight black hair. I had also had it cut into a bob length when it had never been past my mid back since I was little, but I was sick of conforming to the family and needed to be my own person. My mum hadnt been happy when I told her 5 months earlier that I was taking off my hijab and leaving the islamic school I had joined 3 years earlier to find myself in a public school, with white kids, black kids, children from broken homes, with drug and/or alcohol problems and kids with more metal in their front ends than most of the cars we had ever owned. I was sick of being the muslim girl.. yes I was still muslim but I wanted people to know me before they knew my beliefs and in hijab I couldnt do that. I didnt feel comfortable wearing it anymore when I knew in my heart that I was beginning to question those very beliefs that had been instilled in me since I was a young girl.<br /><br />Let me explain my family a little. My mum came from your average middle class white family, her father worked hard to get her through school, college and then at university, away from home for the first time, she met my father. He was a recent immigrant into UK, coming from Africa to find a better life for himself away from famine, war, oppression and death. It was hard for him, he couldnt find a job and didnt speak much english so he contacted a number on a local notice board for english lessons in return for information regarding Africa for research. That teacher wasnt my mum, but the teacher couldnt make his first lesson and convinced my mum to take just this one lesson for 10 pounds (which was a lot in those days), she agreed finally and thats how they met. She learnt about his religion, in time they got married, without my mums family present, 1 year later I was born then 5 years later she accepted Islam. Even at that age I realised the restrictions that Islam put on women, I stop playing outside with the boys, I covered my skin and in time I had to cover my hair. I never once blamed my mum, my father doted on me and I knew they were trying to do their best for me.<br /><br />Now to the present, I walked in the door saw the shock on my mums face and before she could say anything I stormed upstairs and slammed my door to shouts of 'young lady, get down here' from my father. I sat at my dressing table and brushed my new hairstyle, I was happy but it hurt for the pain I had caused my family... but this had to be done, I wasnt a child anymore and they had to understand this. I was a teenager now!!Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-39151134019214728182008-12-10T19:21:00.000+00:002008-12-10T19:21:01.082+00:00The breakZara knocked on her next door neighbours door, twice, three times before the door opened and the opener of the door stood behind it meekly. Zara walked into the house holding a plate of cakes before the door was shut behind her, 'Assalamalikum Meena,' she said to the scarfless lady who smiled at her as they both walked into the living room. Meena returned the greeting before placing the cakes on the coffee table infront of the chairs that they sat in. She poured tea for them both, before leaving the room to return with the sugar she had initially forgotten. Adding the sugar to the cups Zara asked how her and her new husband were getting on, Meena smiled 'alhamdulillah,' she said quietly.<br /><br />Meena wasnt a quiet or shy person, she was usually the louder of the two. They had known each other since college, came from similar backgrounds and shared similar opinions. The only difference was that Meena always knew college was just something to take up her time before her parents found her a husband, and not long after graduating that had happened.<br /><br />The wedding had been an amazingly lavish affair, much to the insistance of her family, but the short break with her new husband had been welcomed. Zara hadnt seen much of her best friend since she had come back 4 weeks ago but she assumed that was normal, assuming because none of her close friends were married. She had noticed her leaving her house occassionally during the day, with her hijab pulled tighter around her head and her abayas a lot more flowing than usual. She also noticed the increasingly timid way that she walked, the smaller strides, the occasional flinches when someone walked too close. Zara had only met Meena's husband at the wedding briefly, since they came back he had hardly been seen out in the daylight hours. Meena said it was his job calling him away from home for long hours during the day.<br /><br />As Zara sat across from Meena, she realised how frail and petite she looked on that day it comparison with when they were growing up together, eating halal chicken & chips at Raja's or the mushroom pizzas they both loved. As she picked up her tea from the table Zara brushed Meena's arm, she flinched in pain, Zara frowned 'are you ok?' Meena nodded 'just banged it on the bedside table last night' Zara stood up and sat next to her best friend, she held her arm and pulled at her sleeve, much to the protests of Meena. There it was, open to the world an open cut surrounded by a 2 day old bruise which Zara knew thanks to her medical training, she also knew it wasnt from a bump in the middle of the night. 'Did he do this to you?' she whispered, not sure why... Meena pulled her arm away, her eyes glistened with the tears she refused to allow to fall... 'hes a good man,' she told Zara... Zara was dumbfounded, after all of their training and volunteer work at the womens centre, how could she live with this. 'Its only the once,' but Zara knew from the way she had noticed her best friend change that this had started practically when the marriage had started.<br /><br />'You have to leave him' Zara said, not wanting to push boundaries but also remembering this was her best friend, who she had vowed to protect forever. Meena shook her head and pushed her friend away 'he wont do it again, besides... I couldnt do that, can you imagine what my family would say?!' Zara's eyes grew in astonishment and Meena saw that. 'I think they would rather that than find you dead one day at the bottom of the stairs' Meena shook her head, even smiled, 'hes not like that Zee, he had a bad day and I was nagging him about the wedding photos. Its only been the once, I promise'<br /><br />Zara stood up, 'I cant sit back and watch this happen to you, get worse as time goes by. I know this isnt the first time, I watch you outside walking around. I know Meen. You have to leave him before it gets worse.' Meena stood up, obviously frustrated and upset, 'he told me you would be like this Zee, please dont be jealous, you will have a husband too one day insha'allah.' She reached out to stroke her friends arm, Zara pulled back, 'see, its started already' 'Ok Zara.. thats enough, Ive told you Im fine.. but if you are going to be like this I would like you to leave.'<br /><br />With that Zara walked out of the room, grabbed her things and walked out of the house, out of her best friends life....<br /><br />.... until they were together again just 2 years later. Zara cried when she saw her once best friend, she held onto her new husband's hand tightly as the older uncle pulled the white cloth over her friends face that already covered her body. Before she was lowered into the ground, to return to Allah (subhana wa ta'ala)Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-83419328396559030992008-11-09T02:11:00.000+00:002008-11-09T02:11:00.411+00:00Only Allah can judge<div align="justify">'Ok,' I answered quietly into my mobile phone, '6pm, see you there' I ended the call just as my father walked into my bedroom. Flustering over hiding the phone I complained and reminded him that I had a door to knock on. He didnt answer, as usual, wasnt that always the way?<br /><br />'So im going out later, to meet Farah for a study session insha'allah. Ill be back around 12ish, that ok? I can get her brother to drop me off outside.' He nodded preoccupied with the reason he had come into my room unexpectedly, I pulled him away and asked strongly, 'what are you looking for?' He pushed my hand away, grunted and walked out the room. I have never understood my father, his values, his opinions, his words.. he was never around as a child and even less as I had sprouted into the adult that I now am. I picked up my book bag and headed downstairs.<br /><br />After kissing my mother goodbye and telling her the same line I had given to my father I stepped out the door. Its amazing when the more you say something that isnt true the more easier it gets to say it. Its also amazing that the more you tell yourself a lie the more you start to believe it yourself.<br /><br />I eventually arrived outside the coffee shop and waited for the time, I glanced briefly at my watch which flashed 6pm... he were late... he wasnt usually. For that brief second I wandered if we had been found out, my heart raced, my pupils dilated as my mind span. Then I heard someone calling my name from across the street. I looked up to see him waiting for a break in the traffic on the busy London street, he smiled and waved, waiting. Waiting. Then he ran, ran across to me and picked me up in his arms and rested his face against mine. The strands of the edge of my scarf tickled his face, I knew this, he had told me before... but it didnt stop us holding each other afraid it would all finish as quickly as it had started. I pulled away and searched his face for something, anything.. I noticed the familiar nose, the strength of his jaw line, those cheekbones and of course those sea green eyes.<br /><br />'Wanna grab a coffee?' he asked, which seemed the obvious next step as we were outside the coffee shop. I nodded, as we walked in arm in arm he asked me... 'so how long do I have you?' I smiled 'well I told dad I would be back by 12.. that my friends brother would drop me off, not that he was listening but thats my time and mum was ok with it too.' He nodded his head several times taking in the information, 'so we can just chill out here then, maybe grab a bite to eat down the road. Then we can get the tube back to my place, pick up the car and I can drop you off.' I smiled, always the planner, 'sure, but you will have to drop me a little back from the house.. someone might recognise you' He nodded, looking down at his fingers, I could see the disappointment in his eyes, I reached over and held his hand in mine.. 'it wont be for much longer I promise.' He gave me a little squeeze on my shoulder and softly kissed my temple.<br /><br />It had been 3 months now since I met Jose, the social network of the century they call it, Facebook. He had added me after apparently noticing my name and seeing the picture on a friends list. We had grew up in the same area of London, although I had moved away just a few years ago before starting my GCSEs. He was 3 years older than me and everything I had always wanted, not just physically but in the way he treated me and protected me. He was adopted by an english family but had researched Islam from an early age after learning about his biological family, this fact rocked my world when he told me. To look into the religion I loved purely because of a mother who had given you away at birth, it proved his maturity to me masha'allah. He was proud to meet me that first time, as nervous as I was, seeing me in hijab and so confident in my deen. We talked about religion and I was with him when he said his shahada officially, I had introduced him to a few brothers from my mosque and he had continued to grow. However, there was always the issue of my family behind the lines, how would they feel about bringing him into our lives? would they welcome him with open arms? or kick him & me out the house. But tonight I was ready, I had arranged to meet him for longer than usual and I was going to meet my mum outside the house when he arrived to drop me off. She was the person who I needed to meet him the most before my father, that would be her decision. She didnt know who he was, had never heard me speak of him nor my relationship with him, it was a tense situation but one that we all had to face.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">So we talked, discussed the future and ate, I watched as he picked up his fork and moved it to his mouth. Noted the things I had come to rely on seeing, the things I would worry if I didnt see from time to time when we were together. When we finished eating we moved to a different coffee shop, all the time looking over our shoulder to check we were not being watched. This was the hard part, although I sometimes forgot that I shouldnt be with him and lived life in his shadow, I enjoyed those times the most. We sat on a couch sipping our tea and he quizzed me about my up coming exams and what I intended for the future. All through this time he held my hand and watched it, occassionally looking up at me and reminding me how grateful he was that he had found me.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">All too soon it was time to go home, we had been clock watching for the past 30minutes and eventually decided to get moving back to his place to pick up the car. He paid for my tube ride, as usual and the short 10minute ride seemed to take the shortest time when it was usually the longest because we were in a rush to get home, this time we weren't in a rush. I wanted this night to carry on forever, to not go home to face my mum, and to stay with Jose forever.. just us enjoying each others company and making up for lost time. We didnt stay at his place like we normally do, we jumped straight into the car and made our way back to my house, 'are you sure you want to do this tonight? we dont have to rush things.' 'No, I have to do it now... if I dont, I dont know when I will' He understood, and opened his window to let the cool night breeze drift through the car to calm us down. </div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">It was 1130pm when we pulled up outside the house, we had come back early to make sure my mum would be awake and I had phoned her 5minutes before to let her know that I was on my way. As usual she insisted on thanking Farah's brother for dropping me off, and as we pulled up just a little away from our front door I noticed the curtains twitching. I grabbed my bag, hugged him tight and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, just incase this was our last meeting for awhile. We both said a little duaa silently and asked that this meeting worked out ok, I opened my door and walked around to his side. As my mum walked up the road I saw her fixing her hijab and waving at me, I returned the wave and breathed out a long breathe. This was it... she was holding a mug of tea and as soon as I saw her in the soft street light I started what I had planned, 'mum, this is..... ' she dropped her mug and her hand flew to her mouth in shock. 'Adil?' she asked through tearful eyes, 'is that really you?' I didnt have to introduce them. 'Mum,' he said.. the tears starting to flow down his cheeks now... 'my baby boy,' she cried as she pulled him close to her and hung on for what seemed like eternity until I felt her lean out and squeezed my hand with all the affection she can share at that moment in time. </div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">She pulled away... and told him 'when they made me give you up, I never thought I would see you again. Subhanallah' then she hugged him again, 'alhamdulillah,' I heard him whisper as he fiercely held onto the woman who had given him up all those years ago in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy that my mother had told me about when I was 15 and she saw the wild child in me. 'Alhamdulillah,' I said hugging them both, thanking Allah for giving me my brother back. </div>Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-31119494223230262802008-11-06T04:18:00.000+00:002008-11-06T04:18:00.695+00:00Outside in the coldAs I sat outside the mosque I wondered what I was doing here, was it because I wanted to be here? because I felt I should be here? or just because I had nothing else to do? I knew it wasnt the last option because there were other things I could think of to be doing at the moment than sitting outside the mosque on the cold cement steps while the snow started to fall, waiting for the door to be opened. Was it because I felt I should be here? hmm... maybe so, just because its a place of worship. But I never once felt like I should be in church! so whats different? I was a woman, it had been decreed that the best place for me to pray was at home but woe betide anyone who tried to stop me worshipping at the mosque. It wasnt jummah, it wasnt even close to time to pray. So I returned to the initial question, why was I here? That was something I had to dig deep to answer. I hugged my legs to my chest to warm my body, not once giving in to go and sit and wait in my car parked just over there.<br /><br />I sat, and I waited. I clock watched. I sighed. I asked myself the same question over and over. I was grateful for wearing my long socks that came up past my knees underneath the long skirt that trailed the floor as I walked. I looked out for people who might be able to let me into the building. I noticed people walking past me on their way to the shopping mall across the road. I noticed them noticing me.<br /><br />I stood up and tried the door once more, it was still locked. I thought I saw a flicker of a shadow, but I think it was my own. I sat down again, contemplating how much longer to wait. I decided a time and told him upstairs. I bargained with my creator, can you believe it? but it made me feel better, a little more in control of the things I have no control over.<br /><br />In the distant I heard a click, then I felt a movement. A blast of warm air from the door behind me. I thanked the brother and walked into the mosque, removed my shoes and sat down. Why was I here? Because I could be! And I prayed for those sisters around the world who could not venture so easily into a mosque to worship their Lord. For physical reasons, health reasons, or for plain stupid reasons.<br /><br />May he remember us all and how we intented to worship him alone.Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-32834014426862512592008-11-05T04:00:00.000+00:002009-01-18T21:44:07.928+00:00Reason'When I first met Ethan I knew that he was different, he had passion in his heart about the things that mattered and he had made his decisions in life. He knew what he wanted to do and he was prepared to give up things for it, that was courageous <em>masha'allah</em>. I prayed <em>istikharah</em> for help in this matter and I asked <em>Allah</em> that if things were to go further to make our paths cross. When we bumped into each other at the <em>mosque</em> I took it as a sign, and an even bigger sign when I realised we had been brought together by the one person i look up to the most aside from <em>Abu</em>, Nasser. I knew that if Nasser could be this close to someone he was special so I decided to mention it to him the night that Ethan came around for the <em>iftar</em>. I asked him to keep my identity quiet because I wanted to see if Ethan thought the same way, I wanted to get to know him a little better outside of pretences and situations. And I have done, and today he proved to me that he thought more of our relationship by protecting me when I needed it, when I wanted it'<br /><br />Nasser punched me in the arm and frowned 'no biggy, nothing I couldnt handle,' I told him quietly not wanting to interrupt Sadia. At that moment she looked up for the first time since she had come down the stairs, straight at me, my heart pounded and I blushed. She looked back down at her hands and carried on, 'I know there is still so much that I need to know about him, but from the things I already know I know he will make a good husband. I know he will look after me, ask for my opinions, talk to me as an equal and give me what I want. I havent found that yet in a guy who also had Islam so close to him, <em>masha'allah</em>. I want to find out more about him, the things that make him the person that he is, but I want to do it right. So I talked to <em>Abu</em> and <em>Ummi</em> about it and they were all for it. Im sorry I didnt tell you how I was doing this, but I thought you would talk me out of it and demand things to be done a little more properly. I have kept this as <em>halal</em> as possible, Im sorry Ethan for not telling you about it either but I just needed to see those things for myself in natural surroundings and I pray that you all understand.' Aisha put her hand over her daughters and smiled, her dad looked at me and asked 'so now we all know why, is this something that you want to progress with Ethan?' I didnt know what to say, of course I did but how do I say yes without sounding too eager? Would she take me warts and all? then I reminded myself that I had talked to Nasser about my past and if he didnt approve we wouldnt be here now. So I said all I could think to say <em>'insha'allah'</em> everyone smiled and I breathed a sigh of relief. I sat further back into the chair as people talked and congratulated me, they shook my hand, slapped me on the back, handed me some sparkling juice, but all I could do was watch her as she smiled shyly to the floor. She looked up at me and caught my eye, the connection was there, I had felt it all those times before and now I knew the connection was going to go further I felt much better for following my gut feelings.<br />This was it, this was my life now and I was totally grateful, <em>alhamdulillah</em>Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-61832310058619643642008-10-31T01:54:00.000+00:002009-01-18T21:44:07.928+00:00We arrived and it all startedWe walked down the familiar road to the house in a more comfortable silence than at the coffee shop, but still a silence none the less. She pulled out her keys as we got closer to the house and I so desperately wanted to warn her about what was going to happen tonight. Why? Maybe so she could tell me not to say yes, so we could get married... but that was just my mind playing tricks with me and I knew that.<br /><br />We entered the door and I was slowly taking my shoes off as she walked upstairs to her bedroom and Nasser came out of the kitchen. <em>'Salam</em> bro,' he said hugging me... 'so you ready?' I shook my head and he saw the sheer terror in my eyes before pulling me into the kitchen. He sat me down and started to pour me some tea, 'you wanna pray <em>isha</em> first? then we can chat for abit. They are here but they dont know you are I dont think, unless Sadia has come down.' I shook my head, 'yeh lets pray,' I told him... we prayed long and hard, I was grateful to him for using longer <em>surahs</em> to give me something else to concentrate on. We even prayed <em>sunnah</em> <em>salah</em> afterwards and then moved back into the kitchen to finish our drinks, Nasser talked a little about the girl and asked what I had reservations about. I told him that my heart just wasnt totally in it and I think he read where I was coming from, 'dude, this is totally new to me. I havent grown up with this and dont know what to expect. Ive fallen hard for someone but know it cant work out and that bothers me for reasons I dont quite understand. I dont even know this girl you are talking about and Im being asked if I want to spend the rest of my life with her.' He nodded, he understood, I knew that.<br /><br />His father walked into the kitchen, noticing me he seemed shocked that we were sat there drinking tea. Looking at Nasser sternly he said to me, 'Oh, you're here. Well do you want to come inside and talk with us? or sit here and make us wait?' He was smiling, I liked this family, which made it all the more harder to reject what they were offering me. 'Shes upstairs,' he told me... she was upstairs! with Sadia, what would they be talking about? what would Sadia say when she asked her about me? All these questions kept going around in my head and it was making me dizzy. 'She will come down in abit when things have settled. So shall we?' he stepped aside and directed me to the living room. 'I can say no? right?'I asked Nasser and his dad, wanting that confirmation, his dad shrugged, Nasser grinned, 'if you want to,' was the reply. Had I already made my mind up? I was unsure. I just prayed things would work out for the best as I opened the door and stepped in the front room.<br /><br />The atmosphere wasnt as I had imagined, Amani was sat in the corner finishing homework, Aisha was sat on the couch and Nassers father joined her. There were a few chairs spread around and I did notice things had been moved from how I had taken that mental picture the first time I visited them. I saw another older gentleman who I assumed was the father of the girl we were discussing and Nasser's younger cousin Taheem playing with some toys on the carpet. I assumed he was some relation to the older guy. I was surprised at how many people werent there, for some reason I had imagined more older men and ladies all trying to ask me questions and get me confused. Aisha motioned for me to take a seat and Nasser sat next to me, although why I wasnt too sure, his mother asked how I was.. usual formalities.. and I answered every little question she asked me. She was making me feel more at ease I realised after awhile, making it more normal <em>alhamdulillah</em>. I was introduced to the older gentlemen who I found out was the <em>imam</em> at the <em>masjid</em> behind the house that we had prayed in all that time ago. I found it weird that this was how he was introduced and not as how he was related to the girl in question.<br />'So, you know why we are all here dont you Ethan?' I nodded. 'Zain is here to just go over a few things that would be expected from you as a husband. The islamic things and feel free to ask him any questions you have,' ok now I was more confused but I listened to what the imam had to say and did even ask a few questions. I had never been in this situation before and as I wasnt really looking for a wife previously I hadnt really read up on the subject, so was grateful for this crash course in islamic marriage. The imam chatted for about an hour, which went by quickly and I even embarassed myself by making a few notes of the things he said, to the amusement of Nassers dad and to the gentle approval of his mum.<br /><br />Once he had finished I reached for my glass of water and Nassers father turned to me saying, 'so now we should discuss if you think you are ready for this responsibility of looking after our daughter' I dropped my glass, got very flustered and apologised profusely. Aisha realised what had happened and yelled at Nasser in urdu while slapping him around the head. His father came back from the kitchen with a cloth to mop up the water and demanded to know what was going on. I couldnt talk, I grabbed hold of Nasser and looked at him smiling to himself.<br /><br />'She didnt want him to know it was her!' he told everyone so matter of factly, 'she wanted to make sure that he wanted the same thing before giving him the idea. And... well... it seems he did cause she aint here objecting now, is she?! and you know she would if she wanted!' Aisha shouted her daughter from upstairs. I sat down as I heard her gently walking down the stairs and into the living room, she had changed, was now wearing a loose blue cotton skirt with a white flowing top and one piece hijab that she must have stored away for times like this. She looked at her parents but wouldnt look in my direction when her mother asked her to explain. We all sat down, she sighed and started to explain her reasoning behind the secrecyAdventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-861316287940500452008-10-25T04:00:00.000+01:002009-01-18T21:44:07.928+00:00The "date"I stood patiently waiting outside the building Sadia had given me directions to about 30 minutes ago. I tried not to look like I had been waiting long and was aware of how I was standing and also how I was feeling. So I took a little walk, picked up a bottle of iced tea and some water for her from the corner store then sat outside the building. I started up my ipod finishing a lecture that I had started to listen to the night before about the changes in the west and how islam was seeingly trying to keep up with these changes. The lecture was by Tariq Ramadan, a liked muslim lecturer from UK, I liked his thinking <em>masha'allah</em>, he had become a favourite speaker of mine over the last few months. I sat back on the bench and closed my eyes, <em>maghrib</em> wasnt for another few hours, so the sun was still shining and the weather was still pleasant which was nice. I was glad I had changed a little, although still questioned why I hadnt thought I was dressed well enough in the first place but I felt good and I wanted that to be reflected in my clothes. So I had changed into a pair of loose black cords, a white long sleeved tshirt and a black beenie, holding a record bag containing my photos, camera and a few random bits that I normally carry around in my trousers. I must have been sat there for 10 minutes with my eyes closed, only sensing the world go by, when the lecture finished. I opened my eyes to find something else and only then noticed Sadia inside the building watching me, I looked around to see if she was actually watching me and laughed to myself when I looked back. She pushed the door open with a shy smile and walked towards me wearing a long black cord skirt with a matching coloured blazer and a coral loose shirt underneath. Her shoes were flat and dark, her hijab was bright to match her shirt and brought out the blueness of her eyes. <em>'Assalamalikum</em>,' she said sitting next to me, <em>'Walikum</em> <em>salam</em>,' I answered pulling the headphones out of my ears and pushing them into my bag. 'How long you been waiting?' we both asked each other at the same time and laughed as I urged her to answer. She shrugged, 'not long. You?' ''Bout 15 minutes, I thought it would take me longer to get here,' I slightly bent the truth. I had thought it would take longer, and it did.. but I was still early because I had set out that much earlier than I should have. I wanted the chance to relax by the building so I didnt look as nervous when she met me.<br /><br />We chatted for a small time outside the building, she saw people from her meeting leaving and introduced me to them as her 'brothers good friend' I had never been someone's good friend, so it was nice that she was introducing me as this. We talked about what I was listening to, I learnt Tariq was also a favourite speaker of hers, as was Zaid Shakir, Ziaullah Khan ( a brother from Canada), Said Rageah and some others that I hadnt really heard of. I noticed that her tastes were similar to mine and I liked that we had a connection that far when it came to the people we listened to. We chatted about our days since we had last sat down with my camera at her house last week and the things we had been up to. She mentioned some things she may need help with for the MSA and I told her about the assignment I was trying to finish early, the bball game that got cancelled and my never ending problem with my wardrobe. Although I think the last conversation was something for me to just tell someone and somewhat regretted it once I started, but she was open about it and even teased me.<br /><br />We started to walk away from downtown after deciding to pray at the student prayer room around the corner, grab a bite to eat at the italian place down the road and sit at a coffee shop for a bit. As we walked over to the prayer room my phoned beeped with a message from Nasser telling me that this family wanted to meet me tonight if it was possible. I wasnt too sure if he knew I was with Sadia, so I contemplated how to reply, her phone rang as we were walking along. As she was talking I realised it was Nasser, so was relieved when she mentioned she was with me, I watched her as she talked to him.. typical brother sister relationship which I loved and envied at the same time. She passed the phone to me to talk to him 'Can you come over?' he asked... I looked at Sadia, emotionally torn by what I was discussing with him which in my head totally disrespected her. 'She told me what you guys are doing, but the time she was looking to get back home would be perfect, so??' I laughed quietly, he wasnt the subtle type and thats why I liked him. He didnt care about other people, I knew that the instant I had met him, I thought about his question. 'What time did she say?' I asked, sort of asking the 2 of them. She mouthed '9' to me and he said 'about 830 is what she told me,' I smiled <em>'insha'allah</em>,' I told him... and then I handed her the phone. I wondered what he had told her about why he wanted to know if I could come back to the house, I would ask her when she got off the phone. By the time she got off the phone we were just walking into the room to pray so I figured it could wait, we grabbed a quick date, I passed her the bottle of water and we joined in the <em>salah</em>.<br /><br />I made a prayer while in <em>sujud</em> asking God to steer me to the right path with regards to my relationship with Sadia and prayed that things would work out for the best. After prayer had finished I waited outside for Sadia pulling the bottle of iced tea out of the bag, I sat on the wall when I saw her talking to a few friends. She acknowledged me, waved and held up a finger to tell me she would be a minute. I pulled out my camera, I had recently fallen for out of focus shots and used them as a way to blur the world around the object of taking the initial picture. At this point, as I watched her surrounded by friends I was envious of the ability she had to control her thoughts and be involved in such conversations, even though I never knew the conversation. I took 1 shot, 2 shots, 3 shots then focused on a group of guys who were walking past, they looked at the girls and stopped just to the side of them. The prayer room entrance was also close to the entrance for a social room which was frequented by many students outside of class hours. Through the eye glass I saw 2 girls look over their shoulder at something one of the guys must had said, for some reason my camera focused on the sly smile of the guys and I noticed how they moved a little closer to the girls. I noticed Sadia look down and blush slightly, at that moment something took over me and I stood up walking over to them quickly. I stood between the small group of girls and the 3 guys who seemed to be making comments which I could now hear loud and clear. One looked at me with resentment in his eyes, I knew that look and I wasnt prepared to stick around to wait for the comments that came out after it. I looked at Sadia, 'you wanna go?' I asked her and looked towards her friends too, she nodded trying not to catch my eye. I walked behind them in what reminded me of a herding action although it was only meant as a protective gesture I kicked myself for how stereotypical it seemed. 'Frigging Arabs,' I heard one guy comment in a distinctive accent as we walked away. I stopped walking, pulled my ear phones out, Sadia noticed and grabbed my arm to stop me from reacting, I shook my head slowly 'dont worry,' I told her, 'walk on.. Ill catch up in a minute' I noticed the concern in her eyes as she went to grab my arm again but she caught my hand as I walked away from her motioning her to walk on. I walked up to the guys quietly and respectfully, nodded my head to say hello and told them 'I dont know if you treat your women like this where you're from, but that isnt how we do it here. Vale?' the main guy, who seemed to be the talker, his ears twitched at the use of a known word in this sentence of foreign language to him. 'You arabs..' he started.... 'woah dude, Im gonna stop you right there and tell you that none of the girls you just started harassing, or myself are arab ¿Como te llamas?' I asked, showing my lack of respect for him in the words I chose to use in our mutual language. I noticed him tense slightly, 'Miguel' he answered '¿Y usted?' I didnt answer him, just told them 'to learn respect because there are plenty of people around here who would be more than willing to help them learn' If you want to know more about the girls, I suggest you go to a mosque and learn about their faith' I then handed them a small booklet I occassionally gave out to people who asked about Islam. I didnt mind if they threw it away because this was their choice. '¿Es usted musulmán? ' One of the other guys asked me, I nodded my head before walking off to join Sadia who I noticed was stood on her own now holding my bag that I had passed her. She was going through my pictures and I noticed her wiping her face as she looked up and smiled at me.<br /><br />'You ok?' I asked when I got to her taking my bag from her shoulder, she nodded and handed me back my camera. 'Sorry, I hope you dont mind me looking through your pictures,' I shook my head 'thanks for that' she said quietly. I frowned, not quite understanding what she was talking about until she threw her head in the direction of where I had walked from. I waved off her gratitude with a gentle flick of my hand 'Well youre bro aint here, who else is gonna look after you,' she looked me dead in the eye, 'I dont need looking after,' she told me sternly. 'I know that!' I knew that! I did, 'but I want to,' I had let my guard down and I kicked myself for it.. everything was ruined now. The moment had gone too far and I had submersed myself in my fantasy too much, we walked to the coffee shop in silence only for her to tell me that she would rather go home after coffee to which I was grateful for. Now I just wanted to go home and block out the world, I had ruined it all and for this I would have to answer for it.<br /><br />We sat down after I picked up the coffee tab to her constant pleas to at least pay for half, it made me feel better to pay for it all. She picked a table that looked into the mirrored walls and we sat on the high stools, her bag rested over her knee and I placed mine on the counter next to me where I could see it. I noticed her foot moving to her internal beat, refreshed that she was still in the same frame of mind as during our garden conversation. Then I wondered if she always did this, or if it was the frame of mind that I put her in, which ever way I was never going to find out.<br /><br />I broke the silence and told her 'I think Im just gonna drop you off at your place then get back to mine.' She was drinking her tea, which I had timed to see how her reaction would be, she finished her sip and slowly placed the cup down. 'Didnt Nasser want you at our house for something?' I nodded and shrugged my shoulders, 'nothing that cant wait' I told her looking into the mirror, I had to say something this was killing me. 'Listen about what I said before,' she stopped me with her hand and shook her head, 'no' I carried on, 'I didnt mean to make it sound so oppressive or big brotherly, I guess its just how I feel, how I am.' 'Its fine, honestly... dont worry, Im sorry I snapped' Was this how it was going to be now? I looked into my mug and swirled the hot chocolate around the inside to break up the pieces of chocolate shavings I had sprinkled on the top. I sighed. I looked up and caught Sadias eye before she looked down at a newspaper she had just opened. Did I feel that then? Or was it something I just wanted to feel? No, I had definately felt it! the way she looked, she was watching me. Before I could piece these thoughts together she told me, 'look, you should still come round for whatever you were coming around for. Nasser obviously wants you there, I think its something the family want. Please,' Did she know why I was going? I wondered... she continued 'And I know its something you want,' she was still looking down.<br /><br />She knew, my heart broke. She knew I was going to meet this lady and she was either fighting her feelings to make things right or the mutual feeling wasnt really mutual. My heart snapped in half and my head slapped me around. Pull yourself together man it told me, its obvious how she feels now, so you can move on and live. I didnt know if I could. We spent the time it took to finish our drinks in silence, I messaged Nasser to let him know the change in times and then I walked her home... make or break evening was how it had turned out to be alrightAdventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-21986778680637130142008-10-19T08:22:00.000+01:002009-01-18T21:44:07.929+00:00Avoidance & realisationIt took me 3 days of dodging Nasser's calls for me to final unintentionally bump into him on campus. I didnt even realise I had bumped into him until I was walking off after muttering apologies and he shouted my name. 'Dude, where have you been hiding? did you get my messages' I nodded trying not to hold his gaze. 'oooh.. I get it, youre avoiding me?' I frowned, 'of course not, Ive just been really busy with coursework and classes. I was going to phone you once I gave in this assignment and talk about what you had mentioned' He waved me off 'whatever, I dont mind and I totally understand if you dont want anything to do with the situation. But just give it some thought, give it a chance, you never know.' How could I tell him I didnt want anything to do with the situation? this was his family, he would obviously be upset, maybe even think that I thought I was too good for his family. I didnt want that, I didnt want to alienate the only true friend I had made since moving here and then I started to regret my whole attitude to it all. I would think with a more open mind from now on. 'Hey some of the guys I know have a game of bball tonight, you wanna join in? just some guys from my building, not all students. Around 7pm' he thought for a moment before asking 'will this lessen my chances of having to put up with family for a few hours? count me in!' I laughed and remembered why I liked Nasser. 'Come round to mine for iftar if you want, it wont be as big as your party but we can eat, pray then walk around to the courts. It isnt far,' 'Sure, lemme tell the family' And with that he pulled out his phone and phoned his house, I heard him talking to Sadia and my heart ached.. this was another reason I had been avoiding Nasser, I thought if I avoided him I would forget about her, but it didnt work that way and it was hurting me. I realised that they were separate entities and that I shouldnt give up both for one.. I definately wanted the bond I had formed with him to carry on, I wanted a bond with Sadia too but it just wasnt possible and the realisation of that hit hard.<br /><br />He came off the phone and we started walking down the street, it was still 5 hours until iftar and I didnt know what his plan was for those hours. 'So whats the plan with you until food?' I asked him slightly hoping that he was busy. He scratched his head and thought for a little while 'I got to pick up some things from work to catch up on while Im off and then I got to take Sadia to some meeting downtown. You wanna come?' I shook my head at the thought of seeing Sadia again, 'Ive still got this assignment to finish remember' glad that I had previously mentioned it to him without wanting to lie. The assignment wasnt due in for another 3 weeks, but I had previously made a decision to get it finished early so was giving myself a deadline for 2 weeks earlier, which was actually coming up quickly. 'Ok, well Ill give you a call when Ive dropped her off,' I nodded my head, 'send her my salams,' I told him as we moved apart before stepping forward to shake his hand. 'Ill catch you later then, you want anything particular?' He shook his head and waved before running off in the direction of his work.<br /><br />So had I come out better for staying away? not at all and I realised that now. She was still in my thoughts occassionally, and I missed the guy who had become my right wing man. I sat down in the park with my books on my lap and thought, I thought about this girl that Nasser had mentioned last week, I thought about Sadia, about how I saw our relationship if any in the future. Was I prepared to forget about it before it even started? Or was I willing to fight for something that might not even be mutual? After an hour of sitting there, on the same bench I came to a conclusion... I couldnt just let it slip by without fighting for it and if it wasnt mutual at least i would know. I took out my phone and sent 2 text messages.<br />'Wanna meet up and discuss these meetings soon? Can show you some pictures :) lemme know, Eth'<br />'Maybe I will sit down with you and talk about this girl you mentioned. I need to occupy my mind, see you later. Dude'<br /><br />I sat and waited. Im not usually a waiting on messages type of guy but the answer and the response time to these were important. I didnt have to wait long for a response, my phone vibrated and I opened a message from Nasser 'insha'allah Ill talk to the family, you can meet em at my place.. think it would be more comfortable. Speak to u later. Dude' My phone vibrated again as I was reading this message 'Hope youre ok over there, be good and please stay in touch, I worry about you. Lots of love, mum xxx' I smiled at the thought of how long it had taken my mum to write those few words. Then remembered who I was waiting for a message from as I dialed my mums number. I sat there for about half an hour talking to numerous members of my family at my mums house and finally made my mum realise I was ok after Lisa nicely told her about my physical appearance when she had seen me last week which I was grateful for. We said our goodbyes and I promised to phone more often, then I hung up to find 3 messages in my inbox, which I wasnt expecting. The first was Nasser apologising that he would have to cancel iftar and the b game with me cause of family stuff. The second was from Sadia suggesting tomorrow night to meet up at the local coffee house on campus. The third was from Sadia asking if I wanted to come over tonight to get her out of some family stuff. I smiled at the thought of brother and sister, 2 opposite sides to the spectrum and also at the thought of me being her scapegoat. I wrote back to Nasser calling him a wuss and telling him to phone me when hes free, during the time I was writing I got a call from a buddy who lived down the hall from me cancelling the game because of work commitments and study sessions within the group. So then I texted Sadia and told her of my open evening, she immediately wrote back and mentioned she was finished at her meeting in 1hour, did I want to meet her from the highrise? 'dad will feel better if Im walking with someone, esp u!' I agreed with her dad and agreed to meet her from her meeting.<br /><br />This was it, I told myself, this was going to be the make or break evening. I got the bus home to pick up my camera and a few of the prints I had developed the evening before in the campus dark room.Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-89131335502407881412008-10-08T23:12:00.000+01:002008-10-12T01:20:55.127+01:00The proposalAfter <em>Asr</em> we walked to the library to pick up my books, much to the dismay of Nasser who said that me walking around with books made him look stupid. So I let him carry my books. We bumped into one of his cousins on the bus ride over to his house, so the 3 of us made our way together to the communal iftar. I actually knew of his cousin, which made things a little more bareable for me. I was fine with spending time with Nasser but I knew this was his family and didnt expect him to spend the whole evening with me, however I didnt want to look like the gooseberry in the corner of the room. The white guy! I wasnt used to being the odd one out, but I knew it was something I would have to get used to. At least in other situations I was usually mistaken for an arab, maybe from North Africa where european features are seen more, thanks to my latino roots. The eyes usually threw people off though, and thats when they thought more palestian, or maybe afgani... whatever they thought, I enjoyed hearing their reasonings.. helps you figure how their minds work.<br /><br />Nasser had told me a few of his aunties didnt speak much english so to not be surprised if they started talking to me in urdu, he had already told them I was coming and it seemed the ladies were excited. I raised my eyebrows quizzingly and they both burst out laughed... 'bro, dont be modest' Nasser's cousin Hasan said to me 'our family arent into marrying in our culture, and we have many female cousins' Ok, so now I was freaked out and contemplated turning around. I actually stopped dead in the middle of the street and refused to walk further until Nasser assured me there were plenty of places to hide in his house and to just shout him over if I was nervous at the extra attention. That didnt make me feel better, but the thought of seeing Sadia for this short time made it worthwhile.<br /><br />We got to the house, Id walked past it a few times before now but never knew whos it was.. It had always stood out to me, its architecture, the colours and the materials used, but now... knowing who lived there made it extra special. I tried to think back to when I first came across this street and decided to take a few shots around, I believe I actually took a picture of this house and I think there were some people outside. I told this to Nasser who told me I would have to look for the shot and show him <em>insha'allah</em>, I agreed and was actually excited to think who was in the picture and to remember any thoughts I had had at the time. Walking through the front door was like stepping into a different world, the smells, the colours, the furniture. A mix of modern, exotic and old school, i loved it and made several mental shots of the rooms as I got the grand tour of the house Nasser had lived in since moving from India when he was still in nappies. Then he took me to the best room, the outside, the garden. It was a neat and tidy 50 foot square patch of green grass that his mother took care of. There was a vegetable patch, and area for the babies to play in, the soil was so supple that I felt like I could take off my shoes and not worry about weeds or stones. His mother, Aisha, came out to tell me a few stories about the relationship she had with her garden and the life it had lead. I asked her if she minded if I came over one day and took a few shots in the sun of her working in the garden, or not working I squeezed in so she didnt feel like I wanted to take pictures of her. The garden had a sense about it, you know.. where you could sit there for hours and not remember what you thought about.<br /><br />Nassers father eventually came out to join the part of his family who were sitting in the garden with me. He shook my hand strongly and welcomed me to his house 'Ive heard alot about you Ethan, and I hope you live up to what Ive heard' I was nervous, what had he heard? from whom had he heard it? 'now theres a relative in the living room asking for your details my good friend for her daughter' I shot a look to Nasser who smiled and pushed me towards the door, 'dude, dont be rude... just give her your details, it doesnt have to go further' I stopped dead and turned to him shaking my head 'I cant do this bro, it isnt me... this isnt what Im used to' He smiled and patted my arm, 'you do realise that whoever you marry you are going to have to go through this?' I nodded.. I knew that, but I wasnt ready for it just now... to my relief the adhan sounded over the speakers from the <em>masjid</em> behind their house that I hadnt even realised was there. Nassers youngest sister Amani brought us some milk and a few dates, we drank the milk and ate the dates on the walk over to the <em>masjid</em> to pray <em>magrib</em> <em>salah</em>. He looked at me and said quietly so noone heard 'listen we can take off after this if you want' I shook my head.. I was being selfish, this was his family and he was right, nothing had to go further 'Dude, Im hungry!" I told him breaking the silence, he laughed and put his arm around my shoulder protectively. I wandered if he would protect me against the ladies as he would his sister from me, then I stopped myself 'was he protecting her from me?' I tried to clear my head as I walked through the doors and followed Nasser to the prayer area. I was pleased to see no separation between the female and male congregation and shocked myself when one sister stood out to me from amongst them all. She was stood up praying the <em>sunnah salah</em> of entering the <em>masjid</em> wearing a long turquoise dress that skimmed the floor with a long sleeved black open cardigan and a black <em>hijab</em>. Sadia. At that point in that first glimpse before I lowered my gaze to the floor infront of me, I knew this situation wasnt going to be easy to get through.<br /><br />As I prayed I made <em>duaa</em> that things would work out for the best and I asked my creator to give me strength to stay away from the temptations around me and to realise what would be better for me in this life and for my <em>deen</em>. I noticed that they did things a little different here than at the other <em>mosque</em>, things were a little quicker because it was <em>ramadhan</em> and because people wanted to eat. So they made the <em>khutbah</em> shorted and recited smaller verses which made things a little easier on my spinning head as I stood up from <em>ruku</em>.<br /><br />On the way back to Nassers house I made him promise not to leave me alone with any older ladies to which he replied 'dude, you dont have to be alone.. they have already seen you, now the interesting bit starts' I hit my forehead to show my frustration in his obvious enjoyment of the situation. When we got back to his I was pleased to find the ladies eating in the living room and the guys outside in the garden. We all sat down to eat around a low table in the midst of the flowers, colours and fragrances, I was passed rice, salad, meat, sauces, and some things that I kindly passed on when Nasser or Hasan wasnt there to tell me what it was. It was enjoyable and I resisted the temptation to fill myself, I still had to walk home and I wasnt used to such a big meal in the evening. After eating, tea came out to everyone, now mint tea I was used to from a moroccan family who had adopted me back home, I missed home I suddenly thought and made a note to phone my mother in the next few days. She was always worrying that I was going to collapse from not eating all day, so I tried to reassure her.<br /><br />I stood in the corner of the garden, the furthest from the house, drinking my tea and staring out at the stars. I finished my tea and held the cup next to my side as I bent down to gently push a frog that seemed stuck in the moist soil, I smiled as it sort of stared back at me before jumping off into the darkness. I was lost in my own world until I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around and nearly fell over as I saw Sadia stood over me looking at me with her big deep blue eyes 'I asked if you wanted more tea' she asked shyly, probably embarassed at my reaction. 'Sorry,' I muttered standing up, 'I didnt hear you, sure why not.' I handed her my cup and awaited the tea to stop flowing, was it my imagination or was it taking forever? 'Its such a lovely house you live in, this garden is amazing, your mother must spend a lot of time out here' she nodded smiling, 'yes, <em>masha'allah</em> she loves it out here.' She was silent, 'she mentioned you wanted to take pictures out here, you never mentioned you were into photography' I laughed, 'more a hobby really, your brother calls me a geek' she noticed the camera hanging from my shoulder. 'Take no notice, did you take anything today?' I nodded before realising she was hinting that she wanted to see 'would you like to see some?' I asked, she smiled shyly 'if you feel comfortable' We sat down on the stone wall, so close I could feel the heat radiating from her but far enough to not disrespect her or her family. I think I actually moved away when I realised I could feel her presence so much more than I should have been. She flicked through my 5" digital screen and I watched her reactions to my shots, I watched her bare toes moving in time to an internal beat only she heard. There were a few that she really enjoyed, and it made me smile to see how much she liked them and how she envisioned them on canvas, on a wall, in a frame and I made several mental notes at the enthusiasm and ideas she gave me. She laughed at a few I had taken of Nasser and some of an unknown Hasan as he walked infront of me before the whole marriage incident. I told her about the incident, dont ask me why. She laughed and said they were probably right, that the aunties were probably in there now discussing my credentials. 'Did you see how he stands? such a straight and affirmative posture. What is he doing with his life after university? I heard he has good relations with his peers. He looks in good shape, important for a future family. Good eyes, shows strength in his mind. Looks comfortable in himself, in his surroundings. <em>Masha'allah'</em> I blushed when I realised that everything she was saying was from her own mind because she hadnt been in there with them. So to change the subject I stood up grabbing my camera from her and focused on the daisy just left of her hennaed foot, from my position on the grass I looked up and saw how the moonlight reflected on her face as she was looking over to the group of guys to the right of me. A picture with a thousand memories I told her before she was shouted over by her father. She picked up the teapot, handed me my cup, our fingers brushed and the electricity flowed 'I hope I havent gotten you into trouble' I said softly, she smiled and shook her head... 'it would take more than that, and thats more than Im prepared to do' I laughed and let her go to her father and his friends.<br /><br />Hasan walked over to me and commented that he was going my way after here so we could walk together. I agreed, it would be good to know him a little more as he was in my department at school and it would be nice to have other brothers that I could rely on. About 30 minutes later we set off after saying our salams to the family, I made arrangements with Aisha to call around one day over the next few weeks while the weather was still warm to take a few shots. I told Nasser to call me when he was free and I said goodbye to all the people who I had met and chatted to in those hours spent away from my 4 walls. I felt free, I felt wanted and I felt at home <em>alhamdulillah</em>.<br /><br />It took us about 20 minutes to get back to where me and Hasan parted, which we did to a shake of the hand <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnOcCV8hFLK7DsFjjLHInbnrCK0eMjXo4hMqo6IUS9yeMiEtopOWl9srJVfNdGKHO4XZwQMURGGoBdzDNBP-xLIOBgaSkj4I2TgiJxKhhlA7uPTm7pB_Zk9ppMLYdjz72v44ZGa9a4S4U/s1600-h/nikah2-324x247.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5252824344300484802" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnOcCV8hFLK7DsFjjLHInbnrCK0eMjXo4hMqo6IUS9yeMiEtopOWl9srJVfNdGKHO4XZwQMURGGoBdzDNBP-xLIOBgaSkj4I2TgiJxKhhlA7uPTm7pB_Zk9ppMLYdjz72v44ZGa9a4S4U/s200/nikah2-324x247.jpg" border="0" /></a>and I stiffer hug than I was used to. We agreed to meet up for lunch once <em>ramadhan</em> was finished and swapped numbers and email addresses. It took me a further 10 minutes to get back to my crib, I walked in, kicked off my shoes and headed to the fridge for some water. I noticed the answering machine flashing, so I hit the play button as I filled up my glass.. as I gulped down the cold liquid I stopped mid swallow, nearly choking on the once refreshing liquid and almost dropping my glass. There was a message from Nasser 'Yo bro, gimme a ring back.. I got a lady here from tonight thats very interested in hooking you up with her daughter. You'll like her insha'allah. Peace, <em>assalamalikum</em>.'Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-32347056426909556292008-10-03T04:18:00.000+01:002009-01-18T21:44:07.929+00:00Collective iftarI ate, prayed <em>fajr</em> and tossed and turned until <em>dhuhr</em>. I awoke unrested and grouchy before absent mindedly walking into the kitchen, I scratched my stomach as I realised and turned towards my computer. Sitting infront of it waiting for windows to open, my mind wandered to how things looked so different today than they had yesterday. This time yesterday I was at the <em>mosque</em>, awaiting the ground to open up and swallow me, then I met Nasser and was connected with his family in ways I only imagined or saw in films.<br />Today I was going to relax, wake up properly and enjoy the day. Windows kicked in as I walked out of the room and stepped into the shower, I let the water relax me and wake me at the same time. Soaped my hair and was grateful for the workouts that I had pushed myself into from a younger age. Stopped myself from shaving and stepped out the bathroom with a towel around my waist to bump into someone I wasnt expecting. My sister! we didnt get on very well, she had always been jealous of me and got me into a lot of trouble when I was smaller. However, I was a grown man now and I was also aware of the islamic etiquette when it came to your family.<br />She smiled, which made me question her motives instantly <em>astagfrillah</em>... 'I bought a friend around, and somehow bumped into someone who was looking for you too' I frowned, why was she bringing a friend around here, and who would she bump into looking for me. I followed her to the living room to find her friend, an ex of mine sat on the couch, I breathed in and shot a look at my sister Lisa... God only knows why she was here, and I think she read my face too. She smiled walking over and kissed me on the cheek, I straightened at her touch remembering the reason we had finished. She sensed it too and stood back, 'I thought we could chat,' 'Id rather we didnt actually. I dont want you in my life anymore Alina we made that decision a long time ago. Ive moved on, Ive grown up and Im enjoying life now.' She laughed slyly and followed the contours of my chest muscles with her perfectly manicured finger, I stepped away from her and asked them both to leave politely. At that point I remembered the other person who Lisa had said was here, 'oh some random brown guy, hes in the kitchen' I looked around the corner to see Nasser looking out over the park infront of my building and smiled. He saw me and walked over, trusting his hand out to shake then I pulled him close for a manly hug and smiled inwardly at my comfort at doing this. 'Dude, whats with the ladies?' I rolled my eyes, 'sister & ex, dont ask!' he nodded before we heard the front door slam shut, it was then I remembered I was still wearing just a towel and then I blushed at holding my new friend so close next to bare skin. Things are changing within me, and I felt so much better for the comfort I felt in the things I was now doing.<br />'So I came over to remind you about tonight, I was just at the school dropping Sadia off and she wanted me to remind you' I blushed slightly and excused myself to go change while nodding my head in the afirmative motion of agreeing with him.<br />I looked over my wardrobe looking for something a little more dressy than my usual casual gear. In the end it took a lot longer to find something dressy than I had imagined and I made a mental note to sort my clothes and buy some nicer stuff in the future. I eventually finished with a cashmere sweater in a warm brown and a pair of baggy camel cords, thinking to finish with my my tims. Sorted, I thought quite pleased with myself as I walked out to meet Nasser in the living room. 'So what you up to today?' he asked, I shrugged and asked myself why I felt nervous around him... was it because of what he represented? who he was related to? then I shook that thought out of my head.. I couldnt think of her today, not like that, it was too early and I wasnt ready for any of this. 'Probably go down to the library and pick up some books, I need to do a bit of food shopping too. Thats it really, you?' 'Less than that,' he said laughing... 'so we still on for tonight though yeh?' I nodded. '6pm?' he agreed... 'that gives you chance to meet everyone before <em>iftar</em> and salah, if thats ok' 'Hey, if you arent doing anything now.. we can hang together if you want, I was going to take my camera over to the park too, if youre interested that is' He mock punched me in the arm 'youre such a geek dude.. I really dont know what these girls see in you' I laughed deeply, which shocked me when I realised I couldnt remember the last time a laugh had come that far down from inside of me. 'Its my sensitive side' I told him jokingly, 'you should try it, so you wanna come?' 'yeh, may as well.. not much else to do.'<br />It was amazing the bond and relationship I had formed with this guy, we had spoke briefly on the phone the night before and chatted on MSN about computer and car stuff for a few hours. The bond went further than guy stuff though, I was totally comfortable with telling him things I would never have told anyone before, muslim or non muslim. Which is why I felt ok to tell him about the break up of my relationship with Alina as I focused on the bluebells hanging over the long grass in the area behind one of the ponds in the park. Which is also why I felt ok to tell him about my curiousity and respect for his sister while focusing on the bus parked behind the grey steel fence that kept the rest of the world out of the peaceful section of grass in this busy city. He didnt seem to mind and confessed that as soon as his sister had mentioned me he could tell that Ethan wasnt like the other guys his sister mentioned meeting through the MSA. I blushed and he made fun of me... 'Dude, shes a cool girl.. but shes still my sister, and I will defend her to my last breath' I was totally awestruck at this obvious gesture of protection he felt over his sister and immediately felt bad for my own relationship with Lisa. Which is when I told him about my family and how messed up they were, then about my teenage years venting the anger and hiding the pain. I could tell he understood, I dont know how, but he knew and he allowed me to talk about what I needed to talk about. Then I confessed that I felt like I had known him for years and how it shocked me I could be this open with him. He lightened the mood by telling me 'thats my senstive side bro' we laughed as we fed the ducks (just cause we were fasting, doesnt mean they had to be!)<br />After all the things we talked about it was nearly time for <em>asr</em> and we started to walk over to the masjid on the opposite side of the park in between the skyscrapers and suits. A park in a city, i loved this city <em>alhamdulillah</em>Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-12299266108020497662008-09-14T22:06:00.000+01:002009-01-18T21:44:07.929+00:00The other side of the scaleSo there I was sitting in the corner away from everyone, trying my hardest to not be noticed but also trying to involve myself in the conversation by listening in. I didnt know whether I should be doing it, seeing as I could only pick up one or two words of the foreign tongue but it made me feel better to be there so quietly, so timidly.<br />This wasnt the first time this had happened, it had started after I moved to this city. 'It will be good to be surrounded by muslims' I told myself, people who are practising the deen that has been chosen for me. I scratched my stubble while I listened intentively to someone talking about the iftar tomorrow, 'maybe I will bring something' I thought. 'To push myself out there,' who was I kidding?? I wasnt going to no matter how much I suggested it to my inner self.<br />It hadnt felt this hard to be a muslim in the little town I had come from, although maybe that was because I blended in so well. At that point I envied the muslimah converts who wore hijab and stood out for the world to see, 'this is my religion' they screamed silently. I needed that push, and it didnt come from anything I would wear, I had 3 day old growth, a no2 buzz cut, wore baggyish jeans and mostly tshirts or shirts... what was I? an average 23 yr old college student? maybe! a muslim? maybe! a random guy looking for food? maybe!<br />As I was lost in my own thoughts I looked up to see one of the elder guys looking at me, was I being paranoid? no he was definately looking at me, 'oh God, hes coming over' I started to shake slightly and sweat even more so.. how did I ever get this far in my life being so antisocial I wondered. He smiled at me '<em>Assalamalikum</em>,' and stook out his hand for me to shake, I shook it and replied what I had been learning for the past 2 weeks "just in case" 'I havent seen you around here before,' he said sitting down infront of me enough to realise that this guy looked about my age, maybe a little older. I felt instantly better 'yeh I just transferred to the university here from out east' I didnt want to tell him my life story, 'youre the convert right?' I nodded looking down at myself, was it that obvious?? he laughed probably reading my mind. 'My sister told me,' he said smiling, 'I think you signed up for some group or something at the uni, no?' i realised what he was talking about, the university MSA that I forced myself to join if only to hear what was going on. I nodded, 'what else could I say?' I thought, not wanting to push him away with being too quiet or being too open. 'Listen, about before,' he looked down and scratched his chin before clearing his throat 'you gotta ignore the older guys, they are set in their ways and just be careful. I understand that we shouldnt have to do it, but well... what can I say? they arent practising as well as you hope they are.' I nodded and smiled, 'thanks, I thought it was me' he shook his head and rested a hand on my shoulder... 'nah man, those dudes are just too set in the past. Just stick to the people you know and spread yourself through the group' I raised my eyebrows and told him, 'but i dont know anyone' 'you know me' he said strongly while standing up, strong enough to actually make me believe he was a decent guy who might become a good friend 'Im Nasser,' he said sticking his hand out and pulling me closer for a hug when I shook his. This was the first time anyone had done this, although I saw it all the time between brothers, which made me feel edgy... it wasnt how I was brought up... but this instance made me feel more of a brother and less of an outsider and for that I was grateful to Nasser. 'Im Ethan,' I started before he stopped me 'dude, I know who you are' I was surprised and confused, how did he know who I was? He read this on my face, 'my sister is some top person at the student thing, she knows everyone and I have to tell you bro.. I know how long you have been muslim and if you want to get married in the near future, no pushing, come to me... I hear things regarding you quite often, masha'allah' he told me nudging me at the last arabic phrase I would have to look up later when I got home. I knew it was a good thing and I also knew what he was telling me, something Ive been told all my life from the girls around me.. but I thought being a muslim would make it different, I had read about the segregation of the sexes and the lowering of the gaze. Nasser interrupted my thoughts 'my sister told me what youre doing at school and she said you were pretty smart. She said she liked your thoughts and perspective on Islam, always good to have a fresh outlook on things. Thats what Ive been hearing from a few people about you, so keep those thoughts bro' I sighed quietly... so it was different, they werent as materialistic as the rest of the people I reguarly came into contact with.<br />Nasser lead me to the door and as we were putting our shoes on he turned to me and said, 'hey you should come for iftar at my place tomorrow, if you can insha'allah, you can meet my family properly then and widen the circle. I have some cousins coming over too who I think are in your year' I nodded tying my shoelaces, this is what I had been searching for and I silently said a little prayer to thank God for guiding me to this brother, or was he guided to me.<br />Then I was taken out of my dream world when we stepped out of the building into the fresh clean air, the sun shone too brightly after being in a dark enclosed room. I bumped into someone and apologised, maybe a little too much 'hey sads, I invited Ethan over for iftar tomorrow' I had bumped into his sister, she was the MSA girl who I had instantly fallen for when I met her those few weeks ago at the freshers fair. I blushed slightly before focusing my retinas to see her soft smile and noticed she too looked a little flustered, she smiled nodding 'maybe we can chat and I can pick your brain about some things I need help with for the MSA then, if you want to help that is' she said playing with her scarf. I nodded 'sure, Ill help in whatever way I can <em>insha'allah</em>' woah.. dude, where did that word come from? it had left my mouth before even gathering dust in my arabic vocabulary of 3 words, I smiled inwardly to myself.. pleased with the correct word and context I had just used for the first time. Nasser said something to Sadia and she lightly punched him on the arm, I admired her clothing the way her skirt fell from her hips straight to the floor, her adidas trainers showing just the tip, her loose shirt and denim jacket, and the multicoloured scarf that she wore so tightly around her chin that I wondered how she swallowed. I had never felt anything like this before, to not see a woman yet to be so attached and so connected at the same time. It was an amazing feeling after so long of being attracted in relation to the amount of flesh showing, I blushed at how I once had been and at the same time was thankful for being shown the true meaning of a woman.<br />Nasser and I exchanged numbers even after Sadia told him she had mine, which made me feel warm inside. We parted after giving brief details of our upcoming meeting at the Hussain residence tomorrow at 6pm, ready for maghrib salah and iftar.<br />I had done it, I had found a true friend in Nasser and I thanked God for it all the way home.Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-8578768541219637952008-08-29T17:41:00.000+01:002008-08-29T17:41:00.421+01:00*shakes head*<em>I cant believe it, how can she do this?</em> he thought as he saw his daughter pull up outside the house. <em>Its her mothers 50th for God sake</em> he stood up from where he was sat on the bed and smoothed out the wrinkles in his trousers. He had been organising the party for his wife for a few months now, it was a surprise for her and their daughter had come over to take her mum out while he got the house ready for the guests and for when they arrived back from the little shopping outing they were taking. <em>Maybe I can get to the door before her and make her change</em> he thought to himself as he quickened his pace to get down the stairs. It was too late, she had stepped in the door and he could already hear his wife putting her cup of tea on the island in the kitchen which looked straight through to the front door. He heard her gasp as he watched his daughter take off her shoes, he was angry but at that moment he also felt proud of her. Here she was making a change in her life that not everyone agreed with, but still she was showing the world and strong in her decision. But still.... look at her<br />Her mum walked right up to her, she seemed too close and overpowering until he realised the angle that he was seeing the scene from and hurried down the stairs. <em>Do you have to?</em> her mother asked, he heard her sigh <em>Mum, theres nothing I can do about this now, I made a decision and thats that, end of!</em> They all walked into the living room listening to the soft sound of their feet on the tiled floor. <em>We have always stood by you, even when we didnt agree but this is just too much now. You promised me</em>, he saw his wifes eyes gleam as the tears started to over load in her tearducts, she tried to blink them away but it just caused them to fall. She was handed a tissue and he held her hand tightly. <em>Mum, I promised you when I was 10. I never knew my life would turn out this way. God has a greater plan</em>. Her dad sighed loudly.. here we go again. It had been 2 years since their daughter had told them she was changing her religion to something foreign and unknown to them from outside the media. In that time she had changed her clothes slightly, only slightly and a few months ago had started to cover her hair. A few weeks ago she had told them the news of her expected child to a man they had grown to love as their own, this was the shock. She was unmarried to her parents, (although she says in her religion they are married) and very young. Still only 17, the baby and now... she comes to the house in tighter than normal clothing showing an obvious baby bump for her 4 month pregnancy. <em>What will everyone say?</em> her mother asked, <em>tell them that you are going to be a grandmother</em> she said smiling with a tear in her eye as she stroked her swollen belly. Grandad to be was thinking things through in his head when he suddenly realised that someone had entered the house and was stood behind his daughter. He had his hand on her shoulder and stroked it gently, <em>everything ok?</em> he asked genuinely <em>just look at her, now she decides to wear tight clothes, after all this time of me trying to get her to show some skin. I just dont understand. Ali talk some sense into your wife please.</em> That was the difference between her mum and dad.. she accepted their marriage, in the eyes of their God they were married and that was that, she would not have even minded if they werent.... it was her age and like history repeating itself.<br />He sat next to her, <em>I did tell you this morning bibti</em>, Laylah looked away <em>well I didnt listen to you this morning,</em> she told him. Ok<em>, ok... so why dont you girls go and do your shopping and buy her something more suitable for the day then? Something more modest, then we can all get through this as the adults we are</em>. My wife blew her nose and smiled, <em>Id like that</em> she said, right on cue Laylah took her hand and nodded. <em>Im sorry</em> she said, <em>I didnt mean to make this day about me</em>, she held her husbands face with one hand as he sat next to her and said <em>I dont know where this family would be without you</em> and kissed him on the cheek. . <em>Pff... I do</em> her dad said, smiling before downing a big gulp of tea.Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-47291963175764690262008-08-12T17:22:00.000+01:002008-08-12T17:22:01.188+01:00The dayI woke up early that morning, ready for whatever the day would bring, anxious to see what it would bring. I followed my usual routine, washed, got ready, ate breakfast, then headed out to my car, today was going to be different, something to remember and I was going to make sure of it. I placed my big bag on the seat next to me, full of things I would need today, and made my way over to a girls house. I had met this girl just a few months ago, but in that time she had opened my mind up to the impossible, the unspeakable, the unthinkable, or so I thought. After 20 minutes driving I pulled up outside her house and held onto my bag as I got out of the car and walked over to her doorstep. After ringing the bell I noticed the curtains twitch beside me and a few seconds later the door opened, there was noone there or so I thought until I heard a quiet 'hello' from behind the door. I stepped in and turned as the door closed to see this girl, this child, who could be my child, stood in a tshirt and jeans with a wild head of red hair. I smiled to myself and returned the greeting, she motioned me to the front room and asked if I was ready for today... I pushed my bag in full view and nodded smiling. We sat down and went through some details of what the day may bring and she answered a few of the questions that were swimming around my head. I moved a thin strand of grey hair from my eyes as we looked on the map for directions to the place that we were visiting for the first time together. I didnt know whether I was nervous, excited or just plain dilarious... I just knew that it was about time, and now I felt like a teenager again.<br />I had spoken to my children the night previous to tell them my plans for the day, their reply? 'your life mum, do what you want' which I was happy with, I just hoped I could show them the things that had turned me into this different person in such a short space of time. Anyways they were ok with it, that was the important thing, even my grandson climbed on my lap and asked if I would still make him cookies while mummy was working which made me giggle at the thought.<br />Now we were on our way, we left the house all dressed and somewhere to go! I opened the car door for Rosie and fixed my skirt length before stepping tentatively into my car. The drive to the building was quiet, many thoughts going through my head that I just couldnt, or didnt want to share. She took in the country roads as they wound up and down along the fields filled with cows, sheep and horses.<br />Upon arriving at the buliding I remember thinking it was smaller than I had expected and suddenly started worrying about what else would be different than I expected. I rang the bell and was greeted by a tall man wearing a little hat 'we've been expecting you' he said in a strong yet supportive voice. He stepped back to let us through, this was it.. I couldnt run now, he was stood at the side and Rosie was stood behind me, there was no escape. I started to panic, to sweat, to hallucinate until I was brought back with the man talking to me again. "so did you read the things I gave you?" I nodded meekly "would you like me to say it first?" He enquired, I shook my head... I had gone over this so often in my head and practised it so much I wanted to say it with my heart in my own words.. but I knew there was a routine, a way to do it so I did. I coughed and looked out of the window as I said the words to the beginning of the rest of my life<br />"ash hadu anna illah ha illallah, wa ash hadu anna muhammadan abduhu wa rasulallah" I cried, the beginning I told myselfAdventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-49921178157060287642008-08-01T15:14:00.000+01:002008-08-01T19:49:48.956+01:00holidaysSadia woke up early that morning, wiped her sleepy eyes and tried to focus on the items in the room. At that point she remembered it was the school holidays and felt the excitement of what the day was to bring <em>insha'allah</em>. Everyone had talked about these holidays non stop for the past few months, the shops were filled with the latest fashion for this time of year and as she had walked around the city centre with her mother, holding her hand so as not to get lost, she wondered what the time would bring her.<br />Looking out of the bedroom window she saw the birds chirping away and the sun rising over the shops across the road from the house. She knew that she was always sent back to bed around this time if she woke her parents up, but surely not today... today was different. So Sadia wandered into their room slowly and quietly and sat at her mums side of the bed peering at her as she slept. She opened one eye to see her daughter watching her and smiled 'you want to get in?' she asked, Sadia thought for a minute 'just for a little bit' she replied after nodding her heavy head. She climbed over her mother and inbetween her parents, the bed was warm, cosy and soft, as soon as the duvet was pulled up to her chin she began to drift away again. She awoke startled sometime later and couldnt believe that she had fallen asleep, the excitement almost burst in her stomach as she shook her parents awake. Climbing over them and out the bed she almost shouted 'come on!' jumping up and down on the carpeted floor... 'it will all be downstairs' . Her mum looked at her dad slightly confused 'what will be?' she asked Sadia, Sadia laughed.. as if she didnt know.... 'my presents from Father Christmas' Her mother smiled almost not wanting to break the news to her that her parents had already decided a long time before Sadia and her older brother had been born. She pulled Sadia up on to the bed and sat her on her knee, 'remember when we had that big party a few months ago?' Sadia thought for a moment and eventually nodded 'well that was our celebration sweety, we dont have christmas. Remember me telling you? we have the two Eids instead when we dress up and give out presents and visit family and eat lots of yummy food,' she said trying to make it as fun sounding as she remembered christmas sounding to her when she was a small child. 'Christians have christmas,' she told Sadia, 'Muslims have Eid' Sadia looked up at her mother with a wobbly lip 'so no presents?' she asked... 'you already have many things you didnt play with from Eid, why dont you play with them? and later we can make cookies and go see Zaynab and auntie Fatima, would you like that?' Sadia nodded and wiped away the tears, 'Im sorry mummy... I forgot,' she said jumping off her mothers lap to walk to her room.<br />Sadia was 5 now, this had been going on for the past 3 years now. Her mother knew it was hard on the little girl, as it had been on Hamza her brother when he was younger, but she was determined to stay away from the confusion that celebrating the holiday would bring to her children. She tried to distract them as much as possible over the holidays and wondered how long this would go on, she hated seeing her children cry, especially as it was her decision to make. She felt a hand rub her back as her husband sat up and kissed her shoulder. 'We are doing it for the right reasons <em>hanouni</em>, they will thank us in the future. And <em>insha'allah</em> in <em>Jannah</em> they will thank us from keeping them away from the haram' She smiled <em>'insha'allah'</em>Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-75779741975203530752008-07-20T08:37:00.000+01:002008-07-20T08:37:01.254+01:00Coffee and a dateI sat in the coffee lounge of my local coffee store with a mint tea in one hand and a choc muffin on a plate infront of me. I was quietly reading the newspaper, seeing what was going on in the world and around me, I people watched (a highly fasinating hobby of mine) and I noticed the cars moving in the street outside. A few headlines hit me, giving me more to read as I waited for what was coming next, what was coming next? I had no idea. Id been given a card a few days before, a time and place was scrawled on the back of the card, what did he want? I just had to find out and couldnt leave it like that. So now I found myself in the coffee store drinking my tea and rubbing my back, pressure building up everytime I moved. By my side was a box from the one of the local stores down the road, I picked it up just before ordering my tea, a gift they had said. A very big gift they didnt say! I sighed at the thought of dragging the gift onto the bus, people stared enough as it is without wandering (just like me) what was in the box.<br />I looked at my watch; he was late. Should I wait? was it worth it to wait? or was I just delaying the inevitable? I wasnt hard to see, I sat at the front of the shop, by the open windows so i wasnt hiding away in the corner. In my defence! I decided to wait 10mins more after finishing my snacks, so i carried on reading my paper and picking with my lone fingers at my chocolate muffin allowing my body the sugar that it craved.<br />After awhile I felt watched, which wasnt unusual for me but more watched than usual. I looked up, was that him? no! couldnt be, back to the news. A chair was pulled out and he sat in front of me, I smiled politely. 'Mrs Hussain?' I nodded, 'why are you carrying such a big parcel?' "Mr Hussain,' I said slyly at him 'because your parents seem to think that carrying this big parcel around all day isnt enough work for me!' I said frustratingly pointing at the big belly surrounding our 8 month old twins in my womb. He smiled, <em>'alhamdulillah</em>, I bought the car' I thanked God I didnt have to take the bus and set about passing him some of my muffinAdventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-61080780247728563882008-07-17T08:50:00.000+01:002008-07-17T08:50:00.934+01:00the beachShe sat on top of the rock to the side of the beach, it was just before sunset and she had left her little beach hut just a few mintues before. Armed with her trusty camera and a bottle of water. She was dressed in a white lined maxi dress, covered her arms with a cream linen bolero jacket and had wrapped a cotton shayla around her hair. She was waiting for something, but didnt exactly know what.As she sat on the rock taking a few pictures now and again of the people jogging up and down the beach in front on the black sky, in the foreground infront of the first shimmer of the days sunlight and the people walking their dogs around in the dark. It amazed her why people didnt take this opportunity more, she was only here for 5 days, this was her second and she only saw people on the beach; not actually taking in the beach. Of all the wonders of this life, silence, water and the sky is what people expect to be there every now and again when they want it. She wondered if people would appreciate it more if you could pick it up and put it somewhere else, in the middle of a busy city that sees no silence, in the middle of Saudi Arabia where they see no water, in an underwater cave where you see no sky. Subhanallah.. the marvels of our creator. She lay back against the rock and closed her eyes for a brief minute, when she opened them more sun had appeared just above the waterline and it was now that she decided to pray her fajr salah. 1 rakah, 2 rakah..... 1 rakah, 2 rakah..... silence, counting, duaa, for the love of God and for the ache in her heart.She stood up and took some more pictures of the waterline, of the boats gliding across the water to some unknown destination in the distance. She breathed in the sea air and felt the moist sand inbetween her toes as she played with the bottom of her dress, already she could feel it was going to be a hot day. She wasnt a lover of hot days, especially when there was water at the bottom of her 'garden' that she couldnt enjoy for all the people ready to gawp at her when she came out of the water. Maybe in the future insha'allah she thought as she picked up her dress slightly and made her way back to her beach house, back to her bed and back to realityAdventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-45094665701203298492008-07-16T05:52:00.000+01:002008-07-16T05:52:00.432+01:00first dayI woke up super early that monday morning, eager and ready to start a new day of school for a new year. I usually sleep after <em>fajr</em>, which was just before 5am this September month, but today I couldnt sleep afterwards. My mum shouted up the stairs to me that breakfast would be a little while, so I decided to head into the shower and freshen myself up. I stood in the shower for around 15minutes, trying a new face scrub and new shampoo that made my hair smell like lavendars. Then I got out, dried myself, brushed my teeth and wrapped the big towel around my body and a separate one around my head. I wandered across the hall to my bedroom, I had laid my clothes out the night before to make sure I was wearing ok clothes incase I was running late. Across the back of my chair there was a loose pair of navy pants and a long pale yellow tunic that came mid thigh on my body, my underwear sat on the chair with my new <em>hijab</em>, navy with yellow and white patterned beads around the edging. I had coordinated it with a yellow stick pin for the side of my head. I got myself ready and headed down for my breakfast, as I sat munching on my toast my mum told me 'you know, you dont have to.. people will understand' I sighed, we had been through this situation I dont know how many times in the last month 'I have to mum, or I never will' she shrugged her shoulders and let me be. My dad came into the room, smiled at me before landing a kiss on the top of my head and walking over to my mum with a kiss on the cheek. 'Want me to drive you in?' he asked.. I shook my head, 'Im gonna walk in, it will be fine' I told them, 'well you have my number if you need me' Subhanallah, what did they expect to happen on this day?? I finished my breakfast, kissed my parents on the cheek and told them I would see them at 4pm, with that I left breezily out of the house and up the road to my school. This would be my last year at school, the most important year, my GCSE's, then on to the next level. As I neared the school gates i could feel the butterflies flapping in my stomach, I wasnt nervous, I'd been through this with myself so much over the 6 weeks holidays, why was it getting to me now?? I saw a group of girls stood outside the gates, I recognised one to be a few years younger than me and I also noticed how they huddled together and laughed as I passed. I felt relieved as I passed the gates and into the school yard, my friends were all sat where we usually sat and I walked over. I felt eyes watching me and I heard whisperings from all corners, Shaitan I reminded myself... be strong. I stood infront of the group of my friends, 5 girls.. I hadnt seen any of them over the 6 weeks because I was out of the country for the whole time, I had spoken to them but I hadnt told them about the new me. 'hey girls,' I said as I removed my bag from my shoulder and sat it down on the floor, they all looked at me and I waited for a reply. I noticed the distant gaze in their eyes, and one by one I saw recollection, 'chica?' my friend suzie asked 'in the flesh' I smiled..... 'woah girl, whats with the getup?' asked haleema... I suddenly blushed slightly, I had expected this... 'well, I sort of had a change of heart over the summer... remember hakim?' they all nodded remembering the new crazy terrorist who had been dumped into out class 2 months before the end of last school year. 'Well, i was in the airport waiting to go visit my dad and he happened to be on my plane. We chatted and stuff and I came to realise hes a pretty cool guy,' they all laughed and nudged each other, motioned to indicate that I had gone slightly crazy over the last 6 weeks. 'No, he is.. honest, he told me all about why he does the weird stuff he does, you know with his little hat and his book and little rug. And, well... just some of the things he said made me look more into why he does it and.. so I became one of 'em' My girls gasped, 'a terrorist?' lisa blurted out, 'no, a muslim, thats why im wearing this' i said pointing to my <em>hijab</em>. 'yeh, shes gone crazy! how long dya have to wear it for?' 'forever' I told them 'around guys who arent related to me' at that point a group of boys walked past us and pushed into me laughing 'hey' i heard someone shout 'dont you go pushing my girl like that!' Suzie shouted before pushing them back, and walked over to me, she put her arm around my shoulder and asked 'can you still come sleep at mine?' i nodded.. 'then we cool, same old chica' Then the school bell rang to bring us all in to start this new chapter, my new chapter in life. <em>Alhamdulillah</em><br /><em></em><br />Short story :)Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3171105624406065925.post-40129911372854393092008-07-11T02:53:00.000+01:002009-01-18T21:44:07.929+00:00The big day<span style="font-size:85%;">Once we had paid for the breakfast and left for the civil ceremony things seemed different, I felt we had drifted into an ease with each other already like when we had first met all those years ago. We sat in the back of the car while my mum and Helena sat in the front driving and chatting, the building was abotu 20mins drive away which gave me time to breath and calm myself. As we set off I muttered the duaa for travelling under my breath and turned to see Sulayman looking out the window and doing the same. This is one aspect of marriage I had looked forward to, someone to share my Islam with, to learn from and learn with, <em>insha'allah</em> I had found that in him. He turned back to me and put his arm around the back of my head leaning it on the top of the seat, he smiled at me sweetly and started to talk about what we could do for the rest of the day. He mentioned going back to my flat to pick up the last remaining boxes and of course he wanted to see where I had been living for the past 3 years, to understand what I had done in that time and how I had grown. Also he wanted us to spend some time with my mum, alone, before driving up the the country hotel we had been booked into with some family for dinner and our first night alone. I blushed at the prospect and he smiled as if knowing what I was blushing for, which made me blush even more. Holding my hand he told me, 'you know, the first time I met you I knew you were special and that night was such a turning point for me in Islam. It made me sit back and try to figure out where I was going and what I was doing, I wanted to give my wife something for the hereafter and when I saw you the second time you took my breath away. I thank Allah (<em>subhana wa ta'ala</em>) for giving me this second chance and I pray that we are together for our lives on this earth and in jannah, if you will have me' I smiled <em>'Insha'allah'</em> I told him before he pulled my hand up to his lips and gently kissed my knuckles. We arrived at the building after repeatedly being told to act our age in the back of the car from my mum after periodically poking and tickling me, we stepped out of the car and brushed ourselves down to calm ourselves before I looked over at him with his hair all dishevelled and burst out laughing so much Davina pulled me to the toilets to fix myself. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">The civil ceremony passed in a haze, this was more for my family than for us, to me I was a married woman and I wanted to get down to the business of knowing about the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Once we signed all the documents and posed for enough pictures we arranged the hotel event and everyone split up, I left my friends and husband outside while I changed into something a little less fancy for the rest of the day. I changed into a long chiffon black maxi dress and covered my bare skin with a loose flowing pale yellow cashmere cardigan, the look was completed with black wedged shoes and a black hijab with tiny crystals sewn around in a random pattern. I stepped out of the changing room to see that Sulayman, my mum and Davina too had changed into things more comfortable which made me feel better about the next few hours even more. Sulayman told me he had left his car outside of my mums house, so my mum drove us back there after dropping off my friends at their houses on the way back, we would all be meeting up later at the hotel so that was something to look forward to. As soon as we were dropped off at his car we exchanged bags into his boot and set off for my flat just down the road, once we had found a space to park in I pulled him across the road and quickly opened the front door. I was excited for some reason to show him my place, it was where I was living through this whole experience and it had in some way made me the person that I was today and for that I was thankful <em>alhamdulillah</em>. He smiled when he asked just how many boxes I had and we realised that maybe a few trips up and down the stairs might be in order, he looked around and commented on the little things I had done to make this my home. The touches of colour and culture I had incorporated into the once off white rooms, I was going to miss this, he then proceeded to tell me 'I think we should move out of where Im living by the end of the year, fresh start in a new place.. then you can add your touches to our place' emphasing on the word 'our' I nodded, liked the idea. I sat down on the floor and watched him trying to organise what boxes to take down first before standing up and asking 'fancy a cup of tea?' he nodded scratching his beard 'please, 1 sugar and milk' I laughed... couldnt believe that I had a husband and I didnt know how he liked his tea, it amused me although he looked perplexed when I explained what I was laughing at. Once all the boxes had been moved into the car we left the room quietly, this was an emotional time for me, I had so many good memories from this flat and I was nervous my new life wouldnt give me as many, I prayed it would. I locked the door for the last time and slid the key through the letterbox as my landlord had instructed me the previous week. I breathed a heavy sigh as he came up behind me, I felt his presence and saw his face next to mine as he whispered in my covered ear 'Im really not that bad you know' I smiled and moved as he kissed the side of my head through my <em>hijab</em>. I couldnt understand what I had done to gain the respect and understanding of this guy who had fallen in love with me while we hadnt even known each other. <em>Allahu alim</em> (God knows best) We then headed out to his place to drop off my boxes and pick up his bag for the evening in the hotel, it had previously been decided that the outfits we were all to wear that evening would be in the code of formal ball wear, so he had bought a tuxedo and I would be wearing a chiffon red empire lined dress, with the red kitten shoes I had worn today, a long black thin over coat to cover my arms and a sparkly red hijab that I had picked up at the ball dress shop the week before. I was looking forward to it, especially the food which was supposed to be amazing there, my mum knew the owner of the hotel so the price of the evening was less than most evenings, which was the decider for actually making this a big event. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">As Sulayman moved all the boxes into his little house I sat on the couch and looked around, things seemed different from when i was last here all those months ago but it was nice. Clean, calm, modern, I liked it and hoped that the next place would be just as soothing to the soul. I noticed a quran and prayer mat tucked away in the corner and looking at the clock realised it was time for <em>dhuhr</em>, I took out the quran and began to read while I waited for him to finish so we could pray together and i think he realised this because he quickened his pace then washed up ready to pray. He walked in the room and smiled 'you ready?' he asked, I nodded my head placing the Quran back where I found it and took my position behind my husband to pray for forgiveness, for faith and for the <em>ummah</em> around the world. I had never heard his recitation before so it took me by surprise, the tone of his voice, the singing of his words, it was beautiful <em>masha'allah</em> and it was only as I made <em>duaa</em> after the <em>salah</em> that I realised he had brought me to tears. He turned around to face me just as I was counting on my fingers and reciting <em>tasbeeh</em>, when I finished I wiped my eyes and looked up to see a smile on his face that I would grow to wait for over the years. He patted the ground infront of him and pulled me closer towards him as he sat on his prayer mat with an air around him I couldnt even describe. I sat on my legs infront of him, nervous as to what his intentions were this close to each other, he pulled himself closer and opened his legs so each rested either side of me. Now we were face to face, closer than I had ever remembered, he moved closer and gently kissed the tip of my nose as he had done so earlier in the day, then he looked around my head and unclipped the <em>hijab</em> pin at my chin and pushed the scarf back off my head. He placed his hand softly on my head and muttered a duaa that a new husband should say with his new wife <span style="color:#3333ff;">'O Allaah, I ask you for her good and the good of what You have dispositioned her toward and I seek refuge (in You) from her evil and the evil You have dispositioned her toward' </span><span style="color:#000000;">then looked at me smiling and leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. The same kiss that we had shared all those years ago, but this one seemed better, more intense, more meaningful and so much more <em>halal</em> ;) I held his face with my hands as it lingered and i waited to see who would be the first to pull away, he did and looked past my head and said quietly 'we should probably get moving, we have the rest of our lives to absorb each other' I laughed, 'hmm, I dont know if I want to absorb you, I just like looking at you masha'allah' he blushed which made me laugh 'come on' I kissed his nose 'lets get sorted' I said standing up and pulling him with me. I walked over to the big mirror hanging over his fireplace and fixed my <em>hijab</em> to look presentable and covering. Then we left the house holding hands and walked to the car to make our way to the hotel, the start of the rest of our lives.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Thanks for reading my stories :) insha'allah you like them and I would appreciate any comments you have to make regarding them. Now, next storyline?? thats something to think about insha'allah</span>Adventurous Ammenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06130257311389290780noreply@blogger.com4